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Saturn (Lying Bitch)
- Article feature date: 5 March 2013
- Feature code: NA because refeature
- This section can safely be removed on 10 March 2013
06 March 2013
From now until March 10, we'll be re-featuring the Top 10 Articles of 2012. This article tied for 5th place.
Saturn is a lying, bitchy piece of shit. Her specialties are propaganda and lies, and she has used these skills to become the major political player in the solar system. Saturn was the one that pushed for Pluto to lose planetary status. Was it any coincidence that just a few short weeks after their disastrous August 5, 2006 romantic date (Which Pluto's Facebook status update revealed "Couldn't have ended soon enough.") that Pluto was removed from textbooks worldwide? Or that just a year after that, Pluto went missing, and hasn't been heard from since? Interstellar police (more on them later) have called the circumstances suspicious, but still expect Pluto to turn up eventually, stating that it should cross paths with Neptune in a couple hundred years or so. Why aren't they searching harder? What does Saturn have on them? (read more...)
An infinite number of monkeys with typewriters
- Article feature date: 7 March 2013
- Feature code: NA because refeature
- This section can safely be removed on 11 March 2013
07 March 2013
From now until March 10, we'll be re-featuring the Top 10 Articles of 2012. This article tied for 3rd place.
Infinity is not a number, but a concept. This means there is no possible way to have an infinite number of anything, let alone animals of a particular species. Despite this fact, if one were to be given an infinite number of monkeys with typewriters, and notwithstanding the obvious infinite patience required, some finite number of those monkeys will actually (not metaphorically or figuratively) type, word-for-word, the complete works of William Shakespeare.
This statement is true. Perhaps it seems outlandish, but this is the purpose of the thought experiment - to help the reader conceptualize infinity. It absolutely will happen. (read more!)
War
- Article feature date: 8 March 2013
- Feature code: NA because refeature
- This section can safely be removed on 12 March 2013
08 March 2013
From now until March 10, we'll be re-featuring the Top 10 Articles of 2012. This article tied for 3rd place.
War is a term used to describe what happens when two opposing forces want either the same thing or contradicting things, thus leading to tons of shit blowing up. War is also one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, along with Elmer Layden, Jim Crowley, and Harry Stuhldreher (or maybe that's something else). Anyway, many people consider war to be evil and unnecessary, yet when the pros and cons are analyzed, this claim begins to fall flat.
First of all, as more and more soldiers go off to fight whoever the enemy might be for the moment, they leave their jobs behind... and that means more jobs for you! Let's say that the salesman in the cubicle next to you with the $2,000 a month salary leaves work to go fight the Arabs in Afghanistan. Suddenly, you're sitting in that cubicle making $2,000 a month! Not to mention that the war industry will provide you with employment if you get fired. Or, if you want to be righteous, you could go fight in the war yourself (Most armies offer a pretty damn good dental plan). (read more!)
Yoda
- Article feature date: 9 March 2013
- Feature code: NA because refeature
- This section can safely be removed on 13 March 2013
09 March 2013
From now until March 10, we'll be re-featuring the Top 10 Articles of 2012. This article was the runner-up.
A deeply wise Jedi master, Yoda is. Often as the "green wrinkly character" from the Star Wars franchise, referred to, he is. Speak in object-subject-verb word order to confuse his students, Yoda would, for some reason which explained, is not. Manner of such speaking being used in this article, it is. Irritating, is not it? Flawed however, Yoda was. Depleted of strength and tired during the Clone Wars, Yoda was. Hide like a scared little child he did, while the galaxy the Empire conquered. Later, assume the mentoring of Darth Vader's son Luke he would. (read more!)
Template:Boner
- Article feature date: 10 March 2013
- Feature code: NA because refeature
- This section can safely be removed on 14 March 2013
10 March 2013
From now until March 10, we'll be re-featuring the Top 10 Articles of 2012. This article was voted the best of the year. We are very proud of ourselves.
Boner -~~~~
James Cook
- Article feature date: 11 March 2013
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{{FA|date=10 March 2013|revision=6205191}}(Only add this after this page has saved) - Remove this section now.
11 March 2013
Captain James Cook, FRS, RN (7 November 1728 – 14 February 1779) was a British born explorer and sailor from the 18th century. He was famously killed by Hawaiian natives when he insulted their gods and killed half their tribe on the count of boredom. For history buffs and purveyors of useless barroom trivia, Cook also discovered Australia and New Zealand in the the late 18th century. So now you know.
James' sense of adventure went with from cradle to grave bottom of the ocean, and he was afraid of just about nothing, if it was in the name of exploration and the British Crown. Aside from discovering many new nations and constantly getting into shit with the cannibals and the natives, James' maritime legend lives on, boring the hell out of stupefied history students who couldn't give a shit about our "national pride" and that we should be thankful for what he did. (Read more!)