User talk:RAHB
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We're delivering it to your door anyways!
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Talk Archive 1 (2/28/07 - 7/6/07) • Talk Archive 2 (7/6/07 - 9/8/07)
Talk Archive 3 (9/8/07 - 12/8/07) • Talk Archive 4 (12/8/07 - 5/18/08)
Talk Archive 5 (5/18/08 - 7/12/08) • Talk Archive 6 (7/12/08 - 8/20/08)
Talk Archive 7 (8/20/08 - 12/3/08) • Talk Archive 8 (12/3/08 - 2/19/09)
Talk Archive 9 (2/19/09 - 5/25/09) • Talk Archive 10 (5/25/09 - 10/26/09)
Talk Archive 11 (10/26/09 - 12/9/09) • Talk Archive 12 (12/9/09 - 4/25/10)
Talk Archive 13 (4/25/10 - 8/26/10) • Talk Archive 14 (8/26/10 - 8/13/11)
Talk Archive 15 (8/13/11 - 1/30/12) • Talk Archive 16 (1/30/12 - 7/12/12)
Talk Archive 17 (7/12/12 - 1/10/13) • Talk Archive 18 (1/10/13 - 7/11/13)
Talk Archive 19 (7/11/13 - 8/15/14) • Talk Archive 20 (8/15/14 - 5/27/18)
I looked in recent changes and found out you archived
Now when someone goes to your talk page they will see a bunch of gore. — 
(talk) (contributions) 17:48:27 2014/08/16 UTC
We gave The UnSignpost an enema, so now it's regular!
By Banzaikitten
Welcome to another no longer sporadic edition of Unsignpost. Yes, the quantity of USP's being written has gone through the roof in the last few weeks and as such there is absolutely nothing to report- hence why people who have previously never written one of these are being roped in. One thing of note that has changed is I am now an admin and as such can block RAHB with impunity. God I love to block RAHB. There is nothing quite like the fizzy rush in the root of your penis and the dizzy thrill you get in your anus when blocking RAHB. I urge all who can to try it.
RAHBs Sexuality
By Banzaikitten
I know I've already spoken about RAHB but god help me I just can't stop. We all like voting and there is a very important vote occuring right now. You, yes you, could decide what sexuality RAHB is. Come the end of the vote RAHB sexuality will be decided for him and he will have to perform sexual acts of that nature for the rest of time. I'm hoping Ponies wins.
Shame on you By the curate
As the curate and the moral compass of this sinful land I must say that I have been appalled at the terrible news that my milkman brought to me. Although I don't remember his exact words, I'll try to reconstruct his speech from my memory, which - and for this I thank God - I am still honored to possess, despite my respectable age.
| “ | Now, I heard Mr What's-his-name talk to his son about something he heard in the neighbor's house, which I didn't hear, but Mr. What's-his-name-again described it so well that I am positive I can repeat it almost word-by-word. So his neighbor was giving his dog its food and commenced discussing our village's events with it, Mrs. Elizabeth soon became the topic of the conversation, and she, as you know, has a daughter... And a cat. Oh, what a fine Siamese cat! But it is of no relation to our current subject. So e man and his pet chattered on and on and, apparently, that dog ... oh, I mean the man (but, you know, from a distance you really can't tell the difference) uttered that "Mrs. Elizabeth's daughter once read an educational page on the Internet, which talked about homosexuality and how you cure it." And can you guess who the author its author was? Mr. Frosty, the man who lives next door to you! | ” |
These were the words of the milkman. However, this isn't all. I was not terrified when I heard this, because teaching fellow villagers to cure an abominable disease, which homosexuality certainly is, is a commendable act from Mr. Frosty's part, especially if it was done with no impulse other than to save good Christians.
Alas, I, we have been greatly deceived in our trust! Beware of the appearances, especially when they are found on the unholy Internet!
Ah, wicked men! I, your curate, willing to help your ungrateful souls, decided to try the so-praised advice of Mr. Frosty on myself and proceeded to accomplish it yesterday. I did everything he said to the very last phrase and - I swear by the Holy Grail - it didn't work!
Biopic
bakpak2hvy is a guy who frequently lurks on our IRC without saying anything. The other day he said something.
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[17:16] <Banzaikitten> so I wrote the USP kind of
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> its entirely about RAHB
[17:16] <RAHB> Awesome
~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) 
~ Fri, Aug 22 '14 2:09 (UTC)
Your music
How do you do it? -- MagicBus Talk to me! 13:42, 23 August 2014 (UTC)
- A guitar, a dream, and a little bit of lube. -RAHB 17:34, 23 August 2014 (UTC)
- I would love to buy it but I don't have the money. -- MagicBus Talk to me! 19:41, 28 August 2014 (UTC)
Karen
Thanks for nomming the painting article, very nice of you. I bow and remove my magic tophat. The page itself, something happened, the gif of the spiders broke since it's been written and now the page that the gif is uploaded on says that something about its size or pristine condition or all-around spideyness may have broken it. Do you know if it can be fixed, or if it would work if I uploaded another one? Thanks again! Please and Puzzled in Pittsburgh, Aleister 23:17 23-8-14
- Hmmm, odd. The gif works for me. It may be best to upload a smaller version though I guess. Not really sure what the technical issues are that the image page mentions, but Bizzeebeever or Lyrithya would probably be the best people to ask about that. I'm just a pretty face when it comes to these things. On a related note, nobody around here is wearing their prescription eyewear. -RAHB 00:29, 24 August 2014 (UTC)
Jennifer Lawwrence picture
I understand all your reasons for deleting it. I'll just find a new picture. -- IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 21:52, 5 September 2014 (UTC)
- Wow, that was easy! Thanks for that, man. Might I suggest using this image that Kip snapped during the Space Ghost marathon the other day, which happened to coincide with the picture-leaking event? -RAHB 21:56, 5 September 2014 (UTC)
- *phhh* Back in my day we weren't so amiable about these kinds of things. Drama was king, and all was right with the world. Plus we are totally missing the chance to call RAHB a fascist gay horse loving bitchtits who probably loves flavored Cheetos or something. He's some kind of fucking joke. The Woodburninator
Minimal Effort ™ 22:29, 5 September 2014 (UTC)
- *phhh* Back in my day we weren't so amiable about these kinds of things. Drama was king, and all was right with the world. Plus we are totally missing the chance to call RAHB a fascist gay horse loving bitchtits who probably loves flavored Cheetos or something. He's some kind of fucking joke. The Woodburninator
OMG! A WILD USP IS ON THE LOOSE!
By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop throwing tomatoes you assholes! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.
Okay, so what is really going on, you may say? 'I'm about to fucking tell you. Enjoy.
Did you know that every ten seconds: another ten seconds kicks in? Yeah, mind equals blown right now, eh? Did you know that the return of one legendary user triggers other legendary users to return as well? When Argylesocks returned from his previous state (not Blue Mountain), it only was a matter of time until the legend named MadMax returned from his couple-of-months-long sojourn in the wild country known as Ethiopia. MadMax does not steal the few supplies of food Ethiopia has, you sick fuck! HE HAS A SOUL.
For those who have heard of the legendary Xamralco, he has returned to. He is an admin and a fantastic writer. We love him. You love. YOU LOVE HIM.
Okay? Okay.
Now if anyone sees Dawg, slap him and tell him to come back. And for Olipro... gosh. I can't even.Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.
By Sir Peasewhizz
We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!
When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!
Biopic For this edition of your favorite paper, the USP, we had the chance to get the Biopic for one of the biggest badasses to ever live. That person/thingy/chatter was auror, whom we found frolicking in our IRC channel one evening.
When we asked auror if she would like to be Biopic'ed (did I spell that right? SPELL CHECK PLS) she gave a powerful speech.
| “ | no | ” |
Thank you! Give it up for auror!
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[17:42] <ColinAYB> Kippy is forever topical
[17:42] <ColinAYB> Just like the lotion he uses when he takes it to the hub.
[17:46] <Kippy> You don't even need to see all the nudity to take it to the hub.
SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 03:14, 7 September 2014 (UTC)
Forum:Proposal of Changes - IRC
Hi RAHB! I know you've written a very good article on IRC with two other users, which as far as I know the only IRC collaboration Uncyclopedia has heard of, and so would like to ask you - what do you think of my proposal in the forum? Anton (talk) 17:07, 13 September 2014 (UTC)
- I think it sounds a bit forced and I think that a lot of IRC users won't be super keen with a formal thing like that. The intent is good, but I think you'll be happy to hear that it isn't exactly as barren a writing environment as you seem to believe. The penis article is just one of many instances of ideas happening in the IRC. For example, all of the articles that I wrote in my early days in collaboration with The Thinker were conceived and created over IRC. Loads of other articles have received the same treatment, although I don't know of any off the top of my head. But ideas and feedback happen daily in IRC. When writing competitions and the like happen, Uncyc IRC users have a history of bouncing their ideas off of each other and growing those ideas. I think maybe half of my articles have come into being because of goofy conversations we'd be having in the IRC, and I can attest the same for users like Kip the Dip, TKF, and Zombiebaron.
- My favorite example of this was this past Happy Monkey Competition. Colin, Kip, Zombiebaron, Cat and I spent a lot of time talking about the competition and our ideas on IRC, along with other users who weren't competing but were interested in what we came up with, and we also tried to make it slightly competitive to give ourselves more incentive to finish the articles in time. Later, Banzaikitten helped Cat with the English in his article, and someone reminded me to nominate the good articles on VFH. Yes, there's a lot of dicking around on IRC, but that's because we're all friends and not robots. We don't spend every second of the day on Uncyclopedia specifically because we like to give ourselves the illusion that we have social lives. But make no mistake that it's a very creative environment. Even when we're not working on our own material, we're discussing other people's humor in all its forms, and studying techniques from other humorists like Dan Harmon. It's pretty cool. -RAHB 18:08, 13 September 2014 (UTC)
- Ah! That's very interesting! I wish I had more time so I could join you guys. Anton (talk) 21:21, 13 September 2014 (UTC)
- I think that's another misconception about IRC. A lot of people seem to think that you join and that you have to commit to chatting for the entire time that it's loaded on your computer screen. In reality, it's a lot more fluid than that. Sometimes during the day, nobody is talking, or not so many people are talking, because we're doing other things, like writing or reading articles, or browsing other websites or doing any number of other things at and away from the computer. People enter and exit the conversation at will and it's understood that sometimes if they're not talking it means they're busy or went away from the computer or fell asleep. The conversation flows to the whims of whoever's around and talking, and if someone doesn't like the current topic of conversation they're not obligated to take part in it, they can just wait until that topic has passed and we're talking about something different. Sometimes multiple conversations are going on simultaneously, sometimes people take their conversations to private messages or other ad-hoc smaller channels. It's a non-binding form of communication and you can put in and take out however much or little you want to. Some people just idle in the channel and literally never say anything, but they read the conversations sometimes to get some entertainment. It's all very relaxed, and that's the attitude that we like to convey, but that's also the general attitude of most groups using the IRC protocol, which has existed since 1988. Also, butts. -RAHB 02:41, 14 September 2014 (UTC)
- Ah! That's very interesting! I wish I had more time so I could join you guys. Anton (talk) 21:21, 13 September 2014 (UTC)
Primitive Radio Gods
Ever heard of this band?--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 21:51, 15 September 2014 (UTC)
Unsignpost delivery attempt numbr hideous implosion
By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop hurling babies at me! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.
It is days like these when I realize what a cruel world we live in. It seems that Pee Review has bitten the dust. For just a few minutes of your day and some cash you can help solve this crisis. Seriously, you hoes.
Piss on my review quests.
Olipro is gay.Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.
By Sir PeasewhizzWe were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!
When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!
Yes, I copied this from the last issue of the USP, you boner goblins. That picture of gold? That was also from the last issue, as well.
Uncyclopedia App
By Anton199
There has recently (a certain amount of time before the latest UnSignpost issue) been a lot of talk about creating an Uncyclopedia App as well as an Uncyclospecies. The idea consists in producing and selling the app which will transform all the human beings who use them into Uncyclopedians. The majority of the users (about 50% of those two who really participated) found this idea great (think that it is funny to talk about) and maybe even began working on it (asked someone else to think about it). Nothing else is known about them, as they disappeared soon after the first experiments were held.
The main problem this project has is that, in fact, nobody knows how to create an app. In addition to this, there is no money, as most of it was spent on Ferraris, that were supposed to bring more money but didn't. Finally, some people think that it might be harmful for the environment (nobody cares).
The project is currently being discussed (some users still post random spam on the forum) and with a certain probability the app is going to be created in nearby future (it is never going be to created but some people do think about it). Biopic Alas, an actual Biopic for SEPTEMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Today, the Biopic will be on a man who carries the identity, MrC. He was doing some hardcore crunches while he was surfing the IRC and thus we gained a little more info this is a run on sentence fuk yea murica.
His origin: "Some Uncyclopedians messed around in another channel recently. After hearing all the stories and rumors, I figured I'd like to see for myself."
So when we asked MrC if he could tell us how to get, how to get to Sesame Street, he said "I don't know... bribe Cookie Monster with a cookie?"
There you have it, words of wisdom BOOI!
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[21:46] Star651 has quit (Quit: Page closed)
[21:46] SirPeasewhizz: NOOOOO
[21:46] SirPeasewhziz: BAE
Brace Yourselves, The UnSignpost is Coming!
Previously, in the past, Uncyclopedia has done a project called Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization, which mimics is a battle against crap-quality articles. We recently have finished the colonization of Albert Einstein, because fuck we didn't need a good article on him before amiright?
Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins. (third issue in a row)
By Sir PeasewhizzWe were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!
When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!
Wow a third week of using the same entry in a row? GEEZ.
Biopic
Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!
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[15:07] bakpak2hvy is edible.
[15:07] TheFakeazneD525 chews on bakpak2hvy
Recently featured
I am trying to generate a more intelligent Recently Featured list using the DPL from Uncyclopedia:VFH/Featured. I have hit a wall here, in my playpit. Any idea if we can get the DPL to show the article name and not the Vfh link? And anyway we can get it to hide the 0 article? Leverage (talk) 10:17, 24 September 2014 (UTC)
- Boy are you ever asking the wrong person. I don't think I understood any of that. Lyrithya might. Or someone else. I always say Lyrithya. She comes to mind quite easily. Like a pie. -RAHB 23:39, 26 September 2014 (UTC)
Lou Reed
Let's take a walk on the wild side!--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 21:00, 24 September 2014 (UTC)
- Do you talk this way IRL too? Like do you just go up to people and yell "QUESTION MARK & THE MYSTERIANS! THEY ARE A GREAT BAND DO YOU LIKE THEM!" And then do they stare at you and say "who are you and what are you doing in my house?" -RAHB 23:42, 26 September 2014 (UTC)
96 Tears then?--Ketchup Boss has a openly gay crush on Bertie Wooster (talk) 21:19, 27 September 2014 (UTC)
The USP is coming for you! (and your little dog too)
By Sir Peasewhizz
So apparently, October follows September. As we all know, Halloween follows September. This means that I get to make a suggestion, amirite?
So I was thinking long and hard one day (which was literally five minutes not twenty-four hours) about something cool we could do for Halloween this year. No, I don't mean egg your neighbor's house... I was thinking maybe we could feature something on Halloween?
Okay yes, I know this is something we basically do every year, and I know you are reading this preparing to accuse me of filling space... and you'd be right.
Biopic
Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!
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<ColinAYB> Actually his lips did sink ships
<ColinAYB> In the sense that he sucked e
Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, the USP?
As we all know, a Texan man has brought the Ebola virus to the United States of America. And as country, we are all freaking out. Even Obama, who never freaks out, has freaked out. He now refuses to kiss Michelle because he has become a germophobe.
Anywho, we here at Uncyclopedia have determined that Ebola can be avoided by simple measures. We encourage everyone to wash their hands, especially after ferocious masturbation. Remember kids, diseases come for hookers. So stay away from hookers as well.
Biopic
Nahhh. I don't really feel like it again!
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<Denza252> ephemey: am i trololololololing?
dicks lol: It's UnSignpost time!
By Sir Peasewhizz
Do u think we should cancel the USP
Anyone
Biopic
Nahhh. I don't really feel like it againnn!
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The UnSignpost is back, baby! (And also a little bit of front)
By Sir Peasewhizz
Before time began there was the cube. Wait, hold on... yeah wrong script. Okay, let's start again. Before the internet was cool, there was no Uncyclopedia. This is because before Uncyclopedia was a website, there was this awful site for information that anybody could edit called Wikipedia. There was also catfishes and cocks.
That all changed back in 2005. When Uncyclopedia was established/founded/spawned/born/emerged/created, the internet took off. Not literally, but metaphorically... or something. The fact remains that the world, with the introduction of Unyclopedia, began to gain faith in the internet. The Amish began to use electricity after Uncyclopedia was established!
And our legacy could fade away; not unlike my basketball trick shot.
All jokes aside, Uncyclopedia may be content-free, as one could say, but it is not free to run. Uncyclopedia runs on a server and this requires money. We don't mean like the billions Obama requires, but it still needs a bit of money to be a legendary thing.
How does Wikipedia stay up then? Well, we're not Wikipedia. We're run by no employees and we're instead run by dedicated users who spend their time editing/fucking with the site that they love. Uncyclopedia is nearly ten years old, so it's not like the joy of "uncyclopediating" isn't real. It's in the Webster Dictionary.
Not every one is rich either, in fact, we're all kinda bland. Money doesn't grow on trees. Now we're not gonna hold you for ransom and we sure as hell aren't going to guilt you into donating to our cause... but think about the children that would starve without us!
Basically, read more about it here. Thanks for your time.
If you can't donate, don't. We won't force you to do something we can't ourselves.
And another thing you could do besides donate is spread the word or buy something from our store.
Anyone
Biopic
You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it!
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Re-feature queue
If you want, you can go to Uncyclopedia:Re-feature queue/Nominate and pick one featured article that you wrote to be re-featured. You can also pick three features written by someone else to re-feature. --
20:09, 17 November 2014 (UTC)
Hepl
~ BB ~ (T) 
~ Tue, Dec 2 '14 3:36 (UTC)
- SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM? -RAHB 02:18, 4 December 2014 (UTC)
- MAPSMAPSMAPSMAPS?-- 05:15, 6 December 2014 (UTC)
Please sing
UnTunes:Do_Islamic_State_Know_It's_Christmas? Leverage (talk) 12:19, 2 December 2014 (UTC)
Working on any bad taste articles?
Are you planning on entering any bad taste articles for The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball? If not, then would you consider swapping as judges on it? (see Forum:Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball 2014 Official Headquarters) --EveryOtherUsernameWasTaken(get dtf) 19:30, 2 December 2014 (UTC)
- Now that you mention it, I accidentally started writing an Aristocrats article thinking I was judging Bad Taste. Zombiebaron okay'd its entry in Bad Taste anyway, but if you and I switch it probably makes the most sense. I'd just say run it by Zombiebaron first so everybody's on the same page. -RAHB 23:35, 2 December 2014 (UTC)
- Okay great! --EveryOtherUsernameWasTaken(get dtf) 01:39, 3 December 2014 (UTC)
Mail, checkem
It may take a few minutes from the time the email is sent for it to show up in your inbox. You can ignore this at any time.
I'm back!
Ever since I've been bad as TheHauntingHour2, I'm back! YAAAAAY! :D :D :D :D Revue66 (talk) 21:44, 20 December 2014 (UTC)
Hey Rhad
Can you make a larger version of 
this? Also, if you have the time, replace facist with patriarchal. Pretty please? -- 01:11, 28 January 2015 (UTC)
- Uh. Isn't that a really easy thing that literally anybody could do? -RAHB 21:09, 29 January 2015 (UTC)
- Your mom is a really easy thing that literally anybody could do. -- 21:19, 29 January 2015 (UTC)
- Your mom is a really easy thing that literally anybody could do. --
Vote, Vote, Vote
It's that time of the year again! We're going to be showing off our Top Ten Articles of 2014 soon but so far, very few people have voted. It's all up to you to decide what's the best of the best! Go to Forum:Top 10 Articles of 2014 and vote now! -- 02:24, 30 January 2015 (UTC)
- Oh shit son, I didn't know there was a voting page. I'll get on that post-haste. -RAHB 20:32, 1 February 2015 (UTC)
hey rahb
when you can shoot me a text at, thanks — (talk) (contributions) 20:32:55 2015/04/19 UTC
Question
Would you know how to create an effect whereby hovering your mouse over text reveals more text? I want to use it in my signature. 
XY007 • talk • contributions 03:33, 2 June 2015 (UTC)
- Afraid I can't help you there. I'm a complete novice when it comes to html or javascript or whatever it is the kids are using these days for all their shinies. Not sure who's active who'd know about it either. Sorry about that. -RAHB 08:03, 2 June 2015 (UTC)
- YOU ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO SEND ME A MESSAGE! That's so cool! OK, maybe I'm not cut out for Uncyc.
XY007 • talk • contributions 10:01, 2 June 2015 (UTC)
- YOU ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO SEND ME A MESSAGE! That's so cool! OK, maybe I'm not cut out for Uncyc.