A story built one sentence at a time
Sorry, L10nM4st3r, you may not add more text to the story at this time. Everyone else has this story's permission to add text at this time.
Rules!
- No writing two sentences in a row. A sentence is anything that has a period after it.
- No run-on sentences.
- No reverting or deleting what other people do unless they themselves broke a rule and you are fixing it.
- No adding random banana sentences. The story must penis make sense chicken if you read through butt it.
- No sentences longer than 40 words.
- Have fun!
- Last person to edit wins!!
Story
In the beginning of time, Chronarion made Uncyclopedia. He then lept into your mother's vagina. It was so bad that he decided to sell Uncyclopedia to Wikia FANDOM. This caused all Uncyclopedia users to immediately die. Then they were all resurrected, and they immediately decided to kill PF4Eva. This would cause an ever-lasting conflict between admins and users, who would fight for millenia in a bloodly, godless war for the control of THE UNCYCLOPEDIA.
Uncyclopedia subsequently became an autonomous entity, living and thinking digitally. It got tired of the senseless bloodlust that was being caused due to its own existence, and so, the autonomous website decided to put an end to it all. By burning down the White House, of course. We should blame Canada for that. Anyways, it decides to huff some things.
Ojai (/ˈoʊhaɪ/ ⓘ OH-hy; Chumash: ’Awhaỳ) is a city in Ventura County, California. It's a very boring place. That is, at least, compared to your mom's basement. Which was a very exciting place to be at last night. I could hear her screaming from upstairs. Wait, that can't be right.
Sorry, <insert name here>, you may not add more text to the story at this time.
Congratulations, <insert name here>, you may add more text to the story at this time.
Just kidding, <insert name here>, and this joke still hasn't become repetitive at this time!
But really, <insert name here>, you should consider to add more text at this time before the day of reckoning comes and deletes you...
Fine, i'll add something more here right now.
I don't give a shit about the age of consent right now, even if the little girls in my neighbor's basement certainly do right now.
You might not give a fuck about the age of consent right now, but I'm pretty sure there is someone who is...
It's the little girls in my neighbor's basement who care about the age of consent right now! Yeah, there's nobody else!
5 minutes later
I heard banging on my door and some guy yelled: "FBI, OPEN UP!!!"
So I said, "Go eat shit fuckers."
And then a wizard came and yelled, "IT'S FUCKING MAGICAL OR SOMETHING!"
Wow, this wizard transported us back to a Fisher Price in 2005! This really puts me in the mood to huff some kittens.
But then a grue came out of nowhere and ripped the skin off my face, leaving the rest of my body unharmed for some reason. I now had to mouth and i really needed to scream. So I cut a "mouth" into my hand with a knife and made it scream instead. That would've worked if not for the fact that i had wished for any hurt body parts to instantly regenerate from some genie four years ago. But first, let me take a selfie. Oh shit, I see Knife Guy in the room behind me! Did you hear that knives grow out of his fingernails like he's some kind of mutant creature? Or that his organs are made out of knives? (That would be excruciatingly painful for sure.)
Anyway, as i was saying, i saw Knife Guy standing behind me, knife in hand, being only vaguely threatening somehow. Then, I suddenly had an urge to say "Finally, I'm all alone". But Knife Guy was still there, so i didn't say it. Suddenly, Knife Guy's son, Bayonet Boy, bursted out of Knife Guy's belly, leaving a pool of blood on the floor. Somehow both of them survived, with Knife Guy's belly slowly regenerating. Seeing this made me wish I didn't have eyes that day. Luckily, Bayonet Boy carved my eyes out of their sockets with his bayonet. But i quickly found out i had the same regenerative abilities, which kinda sucked. I pleaded him to cut my eyes again and replace them with ping-pong balls so they couldn't grow back, but I had forgotten that you temporarily become mute as a side effect of this regeneration.
A wild John appears!
And his name is… JOHN CENA! He's here with our wonderful Jon from Garfield, and is ready to cook the best lasagna you've ever had! Oh crap, he accidentally dropped a perc 30 in the lasagna. Wait a minute, that's not perc 30- that's viagra! I had completely forgotten about the erectile dysfunction that I had developed so long ago. Such a shame I won't get to cure my ED, since Garfield has already eaten the viagra-spiced lasagna. Then i realized that viagra is probably poisonous for cats to consume, so i immediately took him to the M4st3r of L10ns and 0th3r Cats An1mal H0sp1tal. That was a bad idea, since the head veterinary didn't have a vet licence and didn't know anything about actual medicine (nor lions [nor cats]) -sadly for me, I wasn't are of that at the time.
Thus Garfield died. Since he had eaten too much viagra, his corpse couldn't fit inside the tomb as there was always something sticking out of it, meaning they had to cut a hole in order for that part to fit in; this consequently made me laugh much more than I should have during Garfield's funeral. This made Jon furious, and the next time he saw me he instantly threw a lasagna bomb at me. Fortunately, Knife Guy managed to block it. It was at that moment that he realized it was a feminizing bomb, turning Knife Guy into Knife Girl. This made Jon horny... what a sick fuck.
Oh yeah, the bomb also had some explosives, so Knife Girl was hurt and subsequently sent to the hospital. At the hospital, Knife Girl was sent to the F.B.I. for over 1029485 accounts of murder, and they didn't even treat her condition. God forbid women do anything.
Because Jon was equally sad from the loss of his cat and horny from seeing Knife Girl's boobs, he decided to drown his sorrows in the local strip club. There he saw what he thought would be his future wife: Goth Garfield.
5 detailed paragraphs of Jon and Goth Garfield making out or something like that
Mmmmmmmmhhh, ooohh yeaaaaah, ooooooooh, you're so fucking hot Jon, mmmmmmmmmmmhhhh, fuck me harder Jon, aaaaaahhhhhhh, yea like that, oooohhh *cat noises*. Fortunately, the authors really didn't feel like writing this, so they paid Knife Girl's medical bills, turning him back into Knife Guy and completely healing him.
While Jon and Gothfield were doing their... uhhh... thing, John Cena was busy dying in a fight against the FBI.
Fuck you; I don't wanna know what John Cena is doing, I want to see more steamy hot sex between Jon and Gothfield! - said an ominous voice. The ominous voice in question happened to be Knife Guy, who was literally paid to stop Jon and Gothfield from getting it on, thus betraying his contract. As a result, the writers conceived a bomb falling from the sky that would quite comically asplode next to Knife Guy, which would inflict him serious injuries; also he's a girl again now thanks to plot magic. Knife Girl was then arrested again on various accounts of murder, and Jon was arrested on an account of bestiality. But Gothfield and Jon both managed to escape the police, and resumed the fucking in John Cena's house, which was conveniently empty right now. The pair continued their erotic affair until they discovered two moose fighting with their antlers in the front yard. But then they resumed it because they don’t give a shit about what the author wants them to do. Then one moose joined in and straightened Jon's rectum with his antler. That was the day Jon discovered he was gay (or bi, at least).
Meanwhile, John Cena was busy losing his death match against the FBI. However, the FBI couldn't see John Cena, thus prolonging the battle. So they "borrowed" a bunch of mannequins from L10nM4st3r and dressed them up like themselves to bait out John Cena. John Cena foolishly approached one of the mannequins, causing the FBI to be able to see him. Then he died immediately because he wasn't relevant to the plot in the slightest. His brother Zhong Xina showed up to the scene, but he was also killed by the FBI, who then stole his bing chilling and Lao Gan Ma, as well as his social credits. Xi Jinping became really angered upon hearing that the best wrestler from his country was killed by rhe FBI, thus declaring a war on the USA because he felt like it.
While that subplot is going on, we introduce to you: paragraph 5!
Nah, not feeling like it. Here's paragraph 6 instead.
And here’s the 7th one! Paragraph 7, it was the one I played...?
Fuck it, welcome to my "subtract two paragraphs from the story" machine!
Fool; if you add a new heading, you're not subtracting any paragraphs, we're just back at paragraph #1! With this power i can finally write more about Jon and Gothfield’s relatiomship! Anyway, Xi Jinping sent soldiers to the US to avenge Zhong Xina's death. I have no clue who that is, but he sounds somewhat important, so let's see how this goes.
"Nooooooooooooooooooo, I had a chance to read more about Jon and Gothfield's relatiomship, and you had to ruined it with your Zhong Xina nonsense!", said an ominous voice, again. That voice happened to be Knife Guy, who, through the power of plot magic, somehow was restored back to health and was no longer a girl. He had been given a second chance to reappear in the story, but by betraying his contract of not bringing up Gothfield (again), the writers decided it was a bad idea and run over Knife Guy with a Ford Asploder. Anyway, Gothfield broke up with Jon after seeing how much the moose stretched his anus, and so Jon went on to get into a relationship with the moose, while Gothfield and Knife Guy declared their love for each other shortly before Knife Guy died, leaving Gothfield depressed. To deal with the loss of her crush, Gothfield bought an Ouija board and performed a satanic ritual to contact with the ghost of Knife Guy. During the conversation, Knife Guy revealed that his real name was Luigi, thus making the Ouija board a Luigi board. He then burst into a high-pitched Italian accent and yelled, "I'm a Luigi, number-a one!!!" Well, turns like all Knife Guy needed to come back to life was to give Gothfield his affection, even though he's Luigi now.
Unfortunately Gothfield forgot to say "goodbye" to the Luigi board, turning Luigi into a demon and trying to kill her, bypassing Luigi's affection for her. However, because Gothfield was goth (what a surprise), she was into kinky demon BDSM, meaning that she found Knife Guy/Luigi even hotter now. This led to a seemingly endless chase scene as Luigi was running after her and she was reluctant to run away from him. However, Gothfield eventually picked up a moccasin she found on the side of the road, then held the moccasin up to Luigi moccasinly and trapped Luigi inside the moccasin because it was a motherfucking moccasin and Gothfield loved moccasins..
Then the moccasin blew up because the laws of moccasin compression or something like that says so, giving Gothfield severe injuries, sending her to the hospital immediately. Knife Guy managed to survive being trapped in the moccasin by possessing Gothfield's left leg, until moving to her chest area. While doing this Knife Guy's testosterone got absorbed by Gothfield, turning Knife Guy into Knife Girl yet again. This doesn't really matter, as Knife Girl was now just part of Gothfield, but oh well, now Jon is gay and Gothfield is a lesbian.
But what about the moccasin?
Oh, yeah... well, the moccasin is now floating down the moccasin river, while the other moccasin is still in the shoe store as Gothfield stole the moccasins that she trapped Knife Guy in- wait sorry, I meant Knife Girl. The first moccasin ended up in the shore of the river, and was then picked up by Jon Arbuckle, who was now living in the wild with his newfound gay moose lover.
Meanwhile, somewhere near Ojai, Gothfield was struggling with depression. Now that her soul had merged with Knife Guy Girl's soul, she started craving to stab random people with knives. This led to what is now known as the "2024 Ojai knife swarm incident" after she stabbed half the town to death. Luckily, the other half of Ojai residents were wearing moccasins and were therefore spared by Knife Guy Girl. Gothfield -and Knife Girl's soul within her- is now listed in the FBI'S most wanted criminals list for her crimes against the glorious city of Ojai. The remaining population of Ojai went out en masse at midnight, armed with torches and pitchforks, stormed Knife Girl's cabin in the woods, tied her to a tree, and fucked her until her pussy could fit your whole head in it... or at least, that was their plan; however, they made a fatal mistake: they forgot to wear moccasins, and as a result, they were completely vulnerable to Knife Girl's (inside Gothfield's body) endless bloodlust of stabbing people to death. Knife Goth Girl Garfield then burned Ojai to the ground and started a massive wildfire in California, as if that didn't happen enough. Amidst this reckless chaos caused by Knife Goth Girl Garfield, a hero appeared to save the day: It was naked Jon Arbuckle, riding his gay moose lover ("riding" understood as in "riding a horse", not as in the other definition for "riding"), who was prepared to save the forest he now called home! Unfortunately, he was naked, which meant he wasn’t wearing moccasins, so both he and the moose died.
Not satisfied with the bloody chaos she had ensured, Knife Goth Girl Garfield decided to sneak in the White House and steal the President's code for launching the nukes. Unfortunately for her I destroyed all of them before she got there, because I don't want to write this story in a post-apocalyptic world. Dissapointed at this revelation, Knife Goth Girl Garfield tried to satisfy her enless urge for blood by stabbing the US President to death. This somehow gave Knife Girl her body back, and she was luckily no longer a demon. This was because Knife Girl had transfered to the President's body, making her now the President of the United States.
Knife Girl didn’t really know what to do with the powers that comes with being the POTUS. However, her girlfriend Gothfield did have an idea: allowing murder to be completely legal in the United States! Surely this won’t have any consequenses, right? What happened the following day is exactly what you think would happen.
The chaos that ensued made PF4Eva furious, and as such they created a plan to stop this craziness: Nothing!
The chaos ensued further, and L10nM4st3r could now see that their plan had worked; the people murderer each other to the point where it was getting difficult to find someone who was still alive. The entire earth had seemingly been covered with blood, and L10nM4st3r prayed that the blood wouldn't coalesce into a giant monster or anything.
You'll never guess what happened next. You'll never guess what happened because you already know what happened next. This means I'm not gonna bother writing it down for you. But it happened, it really did.
But you may be wondering, what happened after that? Well, Gothfield's soul became putrid after having caused the Earth to go apeshit, and Goth Garfield mutated into a hellish Lovecraftian being that went by the name of Gorefield. Gorefield and the blood monster then summoned two new armies of OPOSSUMS and Aracuans respectively that fought each other in another universe, destroying the space-time continuum.
In the chaos that was now Ojai, Gorefield realized that she could have prevented all of this from happening by rejecting Jon that fateful day. Ojai had been wiped off the map, as soon would every town and city in the whole wide world. Eventually, everything would countinue to cease existing, except for Goth Gorefield, who had doomed herself to eternity. This was when one of the writers realized something needed to be done. Perhaps, theorized the writer, we could warp to an alternate timeline that isn't on the brink of collapse, and with the wormholes everywhere that won't be too hard to do. That is when the writers realized they had fucked not just one timeline, but the entire spa0ce-time continuum, meaning they had to fix lots of things up if they wanted the dtory to progress. Everything began to bE sô fUcked uptAht evbẽn tïhs_tSöry'S tExtb3ĝAñ2to CoŕurPtttttttt&t4982tttttt;_OH śHTit**#&293792
...unfortunately, one of the writers was mistaken for a kitten and huffed from life while trying to write the previous sentence.
“God?”
“What's the matter? Can't you say I'm having a break?”
“Haven't you noticed that things are more... non-existant than usual, Sir?”
“What do you mean w-?
...
WHAT THE FLIPPING [heavenly censorship] HAPPENED HERE?”
“It seems that an anomaly on Planet E4R7H has devolved into the destruction of the space-time continuum.”
“Me-damned humans. I was supposed to be the one ending them on the day of the apocalypse, yet they're the ones who are going to be the end of me!”
“M-m-m-maybe y-you shouldn't have created them on the first place?”
“Are you questioning my decisions????!!!!”
“I-it was j-j-j-just a comment...”
“Huh... Let me undo this [heavenly censorship] mess that's all around the place... if you can even call it a place anymore that is. Me-damned non-existence!”
“Well, this warping mess looks kind of cool, at least. ”
“Well, this warping mess is gone now, at least. ”
“Oh god... ”
Uh oh, God accidentally reset the entire timeline
- In the beginning, God created the moccasins and the bat-fuck insanity. After that he decided to create James A. Garfield. And as the spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters, he fed James A. Garfield through his asshole. Charles J. Guiteau didn't like this at all, but what was he supposed to do about it? All Guiteau could do was wait for himself to respawn in this new universe and re-assassinate Garfield, and that could take anywhere from a second to a billion years.
- I’ll let you guess what happened next. And before what happened next, God created a town for Himself deep below the surface of the Earth, and He named it Olo, for it was a low counterpart to Ojai. Then he changed the town’s name to Oslo because it turns out no one knew how to spell "Olo" correctly. Then he built Bergen 2: Electric Boogaloo on the location of where San Francisco stood in the previous universe, above ground this time. Then he moved the entire island of Britain into the Pacific to simulate the North Sea.
- Unluckily for God, His first creation, James A. Garfield, got fed of being fed through the anus and made a deal with Satan to change his imperfect human body to the perfect body of a cat, becoming the beloved comic strip sensation Garfield; God, angered that Garfield had made a deal with His arch-nemesis, banished the orange cat from the Garden of Eden, who then went to murder the famous plumber Mario from hit game Super Mario Bros. Good thing that Mario had stocked up on green mushrooms.
- Meanwhile, God was busy trying to set up a consolidation price for all the Bergen inhabitants that had their culture shamelessly ripped off by a bunch of Californians. The State of California, feeling called out by God, decided to bribe with Satan, who once again used this opportunity to get God mad -just because he can. God was pissed off by this of course, but he wasn't exactly able to do anything about it, mainly because Satan had somehow found a way to make himself immune against all of God's tricks. So a random person came out of nowhere and made it all right, which as they call in theater, a "non-god in a machine", the lowest form of creativity. What God didn't know was that the person making it "all-right" was actually one of Satan's pawns, and Satan's defeat was yet another one of his japes! Suddenly, Guile's theme started playing. This summoned a fight-ready Chuck Norris, but he was defeated almost immediately by Jon Arbuckle... somehow. Jon Arbuckle celebrated his victory by building a pentagram to summon Goth Girl Garfield's soul, so that he could slay some demonic Garfussy. Jon didn't have a clue how to perform satanic rituals, and accidentally summoned Knife Guy instead.
- Then Knife Guy pulled the mask off his face, revealing that he was, in fact, Charles Guiteau: Guiteau had finally returned! He stabbed Jon and ventured off in search of Garfield so he could assassinate him.
- God said, "Let there be something going insane in Discord." And so PF4Eva was made. Then he said, "Let there be something going even more insane in Uncyclopedia". And then John was sentenced to pregnancy, presumably for sending dick pics to his Discord kittens. John was then sentenced to manual labor, presumably for putting ketchup on his pizza in the presence of an Italian communist.
- God then realised that He was taking too much time in building the universe and everything in it, and so He invented the Monster Energy only to then drink it Himself; this way God managed to create Life, the Universe, and Everything in less than two seconds.
- In that first millisecond, he tried reinventing Knife Girl, but he wasn’t able to do that for some reason.
- In the second millisecond, he was drunk, and managed to recreate Luna, who went into hiding.
- In the third millisecond he was still drunk, so he created the first Russian, just so he could have a human friend.
- In the fourth millisecond, he got over his drunkenness somehow, and killed this person who should not be named before he was even born.
- In the fifth millisecond he accidentally tripped into a massive pile of cocaine he had just created, giving him a bunch of heart attacks.
- The sixth millisecond didn't happen since God had died from all his heart attacks.