J.D. Salinger

I don't know what I'm doing here. I wish I could do this better.

J.D. Salinger was this guy, he was a writer I think. He wrote this book, it was about baseball or bread or something. I can never remember that sort of thing. I don't care much for school and don't pay attention that often. Except I do like English. So I guess it's kinda weird that I don't remember.

Geese like to fly a lot. I wish I could fly. But then my arms would get tired.

Childhood

When this Salinger guy was a kid, I guess he must have written a lot or else he wouldn't be a writer. I write a lot, but when I get done it just looks so phony that I can stand it so I throw it away. This one time I wrote a story about these geese, and I guess it was pretty good. But then when I showed it to people they kept telling me about how good it was. People are always doing that. It really spoiled the story for me. Now I can't even read the story without feeling like a goddamn phony.

Salinger went to college, I suppose. College just seems so phony though. Like the people who get to go just because they play sports well or something. I'm not good at sports, but I like baseball okay. Raquetball's fun, but only if you play with somebody worthwhile. Otherwise it's just a waste.

Books

A bunch of phonies.

He wrote this book, it got a lot of good reviews. Catcher something. A lot of people liked it and he got a prize for it.

I think prizes are pretty phony. It's just people going up and getting something shiny just because they did something fancy. I hate that. These people are just a bunch of phonies, really. I'm sure his book was real fantastic, though. A sure thinker.

I hate how chalk dust gets in my lungs. Plus it makes me really thirsty even when I don't want to drink anything. Girls are weird.

Controversy

The book he wrote was banned from these dumb old libraries because it had sex and bad words. These people are dumber and phonier than the goddamn prize people. One time I said a curse at school, and my teacher, it was kind of funny what she did. She gave me a goddamn detention. I had to clean the chalkboards. But the thing is, I really hate chalk dust. So when I was cleaning the chalkboard I kept inhaling all this dust. It sort of irritated my throat and I was coughing like a madman by the time I was done. That kind of thing is always happening to me. I don't suppose that the Salinger guy had to clean anything, though. Guys like that never do.

Seclusion

So this Salinger guy got real sick of all these phonies trying to tell him how great he was, so he went away for about 60 years and never said anything. He's been missed for a while now, because he did such great books and all.

But I never much cared for him, really.