McDonald'sのソースを表示ひょうじ

{{whoops|Crap}}
{{Q|I love McDonald’s and their burgers, especially the Whopper and the Angus. Or, anus.|A customer who is certain to end up [[Hospital|somewhere else]]}}
{{Q|The Big Mac is a piece of [[Poop|dogshit]] on two buns.|Comedy|McDonald's}}
{{Q|And a Diet [[Coke]] please.|40-year-old 500-pound woman after ordering three quarter pounders}}
{{Infobox website
|logo = Young fattie.jpg
|logo_size = 300
|logo_caption = Typical customers at McDonald's:{{br}}chubby, crass, and sporting big wide ass.
|industry = Crusty food
|founded = May 15, 1940
|founder = McBros
|key_people = [[Pennywise|McZombie the Clown]] (chairman){{br}}[[Ronald McDonald]] (mascot & CEO){{br}}Ray Kroc (President, overlord)
|headquarters = A clown park in [[Chicago]]
|website = http://fatpeople.com}}

'''McDonald's''' is a chain of [[Colonialism|Indian Country]] restaurants that serves "fusty food", "crusty crood", and "busty bood".<ref>An [[advertising]] campaign and plenty of bribery has re-cast this as "fast food".</ref> Their menu includes hamburgers, French fries (Put [[mayonnaise|mayo]] on mine, please!), [[chicken]], milkshakes, and other marvelous synthetic products and dubious ingredients. They are also famous for their '''completely''' working, [[Gross|squeaky clean]] ice cream machines. Recently, after protests by [[flat-earther]]s, McDonald's has added "[[Vegetarianism|healthy food]]" such as salads and fruits. Extensive testing and reformulation successfully made them as greasy and bad for the body as the rest of the menu.

McDonald's has locations all over the world, especially in [[Hyrule]], [[Japan]], and [[Texas]], and is [[coming soon]] to the rest of the universe. There is no place without a McDonald's there, or at least nearby;<ref>[http://fatpeople.com Many fat people in Mur'ca since 1776 - fatpeople.com] Retrieved 2013-12-{{CURRENTDAY}}.</ref> they have become as common as air pollution and the girl next door. The chain's strategy is to achieve a single monopoly where people have no choice but to eat every meal there. Corporate training consists of re-running the movie ''[[WALL-E]]''.<ref>The characters in that movie (who by coincidence have also become morbidly fat as whales) at least had the foresight to build an escape ship, but McDonald's will never overestimate the [[Dumb and Dumber|intelligence of its patrons]].</ref>
{{Wikipedia}}

==History==
McDonald's was founded in 1940 by [[Super Mario Bros.|McBros]] [[Penis|Dick]] and Ronald McDonald in San Bernardino, [[California]], in a rustic place on the old Route 66.<ref>like in the Pixar movie</ref> There they served [[barbecue]]d food stolen from the indigenous Taino “oonga-boongas”, with a bit more putrefaction than the current menu. Through this new restaurant, the brothers aimed to provide semi-quality food and semi-quality service at prices so low that people failed to realize just how "meh" the stuff they were eating was. When sales began to stagnate, the McBros. added [[hamburger]]s to the menu, containing additives to make them physically addictive. Complaints by advocates that they turned patrons into "zombies" led to the successful McZombie campaign. This lead to the infamous “[[Brain|Brain Burgers]]” with Blood Ketchup. 

A man named Ray "Richie" Kroc offered to join the brothers' business, but like any good [[Jew|backstabbing executive]], he wound up buying them out.<ref>This took him 19 wallets.</ref> He took the chain international and founded the headquarters, called '''McDonald's Park''', at Oak Brook, [[Illinois]]. Tourists drive for hundreds of miles to see its parties with thousands of [[fat]] people, which is unsurprising, as the chain pays its employees with its products.<ref>Source: Dick J. Smith, former employee of McDonald's Canada who never visited the US.</ref>
[[File:McDonald's.png|thumb|Logo used since 1975]]
Nowadays, eating fast food is an integral part of the McDonald's experience, as well as many Americans' lives. Mur'ca [[The Last of the Mohicans|imprisoned its intelligent people on concentration camps]], and [[Marvel Comics|Superman Is Dead]]. Do you care?

==Products==
[[File:ScaryRonald.jpg|thumb|left|McDonald's sanitary engineers ensure the '''meat''' is fresh.]]
{{Q|Do you want McRats or McRoaches with that?|Owner of a McJob|the menu}}

McDonald's menu revolves around the [[hamburger]],<ref>Oh! I luv hamburgers!!!</ref> normally composed from beef, except for [[Muslim]]s who are served pork, and [[Scandinavia]]ns who are served donkey meat.
{{Q|I have proof that the company uses rat meat. The toxins that develop over time produce tremendous harm to health (and superpowers, if you live in Smallville or Geoville). To read the entire article, give me a Like on my [[Facebook]] page before Marc Zuckerberg pulls the plug.|A [[conspiracy]] theorist|Facebook}}
[[File:Jumbo nyanko burger.jpg|thumb|The Hello Heart Attack Burger, with cheese.]]

They also sell [[fFench fries|le Frenchie fries]], alcohol, Chicken McNuggets, and even glue (the signature McCheese product).

All this with [[Bullshit|excellent quality control]]. Currently there have been three whole days without a safety incident resulting in the inadvertent serving of McFingers, though inspectors are in the next room with a big bag of Quarter Pounders.

===Happy Meal===
{{Q|That's a lie! The Happy Meal doesn't 'make you happy', more like 'crappy'! There isn't even any [[ketchup]].|An [[emo]]|suicide}}

The '''happy meal''' is an evil box (like [[Pandora]]'s) with a plastic toy made in [[China]], and one of the big reasons that kids ask to go to McDonald's. Parents who are too distracted to ensure the children play with the toy and eat the food rely on the fact that the nutritional value is identical.

==Other businesses==
The company also owns other chains, including '''McCafe''' (a cheap imitation of [[Starbucks|StarBucks]]) oriented more toward [[work]]-slaves than trust-fund swells.<ref>The original concept was named McStarbucks, but a single letter from the [[lawyer]]s got them to change it. They also rejected the name '''Mc[[Hipster]]'''.</ref>

The '''McDonald's Drive Thru''' gives the world's laziest people a way to order greasy food without leaving the [[car]], as many Drive Thru patrons are no longer able to get out of their car at all. The trend for laws to force [[cellphone]]s to be "hands free" leaves both hands available to grip the Big Mac. Any basket of McNuggets and beverage have to be secured by the toes, but that still leaves the knees to drive the car.<ref>As for operating "the stick", this is a rare [[Well-endowed|endowment]].</ref> On the drawing board is another drive-thru window in each restaurant to let patrons also eliminate greasy food without leaving the car.<ref>Source: Dick J. Smith, former employee of McDonald's Canada who never visited the US.</ref>

===McDonald Douglas===
[[File:Aa191 ohare.jpg|thumb|American Airlines Flight 191. A DC-10 manufactured by McDonald-Douglas, fully configured in "roller-coaster mode", the left engine has already been ejected to enhance enjoyment.]]

In the 1960s, McDonald's acquired jumbo-jet manufacturer Douglas to apply the McPrinciples it had learned to this new industry.<ref>Douglas debated this transaction with [[Lincoln]] but famously lost the debate.</ref> The first consequence was the DC-10, as fully cost-reduced, mass-produced, and harmful to health as are the restaurants on which it was modeled. In fact, there is a small McDonald's restaurant on every plane. Hamburgers assembled hours before anyone orders them are kept fresh at 400 degrees Fahrenheit (200 Celsius) just in case someone "bites". The DC-10 makes its premium aviation fuel do double-duty in giving a smoked taste to the food.

[[Pilot]]s of these planes can enjoy a delicious McMeal while flying and, just like drivers squealing out of the exit of a McDonald's Drive Thru, control their vehicle with their little fingers. Or with other appendages.

Best of all, after lunch, the DC-10, just like a Drive Thru patron, "pops several buttons" (rivets that formerly secured the cargo hold). Without the cargo door, the normally airworthy DC-10 begins to resemble the small roller-coasters found in Kiddie McPlay Areas in the restaurants.

==Life cycle==
[[File:RommelMcDonald.jpg|thumb|left|First step: destroy nature]]

No one has ever seen a McDonald's under construction. Any video of trees and ground cover being swept aside to make way for yet another McDonald's would unfortunately be misused by anti-development activists.

Still, a new McDonald's is erected faster than [[My ex-wife|your ex]] (We can safely assume the reader is now unattached.) and with as little careful thought as a [[Quaker Oats|Hall & Oates]] lyric.

First, a seed in the shape of the Golden Arches® is planted in the ground.<ref>They say the original seed was delivered by a man in exchange for a cow. He was told they were "magic seeds".</ref> The seed is watered, ideally using a McWatering Can. The building begins to grow and finally blossoms with managers, McSwabs, and consumers.<ref>Source: Dick J. Smith, former employee of McDonald's Canada who never visited the US.</ref>
[[File:McDonaldsHiringLosers.jpg|thumb|"I finished kindergarten, can I have the job?"]]

Though birth is lightning-fast, death is unheard-of. Even in showdowns with a [[Burger King]] or even a [[Taco Bell]] across the street, both combatants, like ''[[Alien vs. Predator]]'', survive and lurch toward countless [[SQL|sequels]].

===Employees===
[[File:turd 1.jpg|thumb|left|Food received by employees of McDonald's]]

At a key point during the germination of a new McDonald's, employees sprout up and start swabbing the floors and inserting Potato-Like Mix into the large machines so that Imitation Cheese Food can be melted on top. The employees are cybernetic androids made with human DNA, double-coded for both surliness and cluelessness.<ref>Source: Dick J. Smith, former non-robot (we think) employee of McDonald's Canada who never visited the US.</ref>

McDonald's manages to hold down employee wages not by using robots but by paying them with the product itself instead of money.

The company's payment practices have been controversial for decades. It began in 1988, when Presidential candidate [[Michael Dukakis]] turned up his [[nose]] at these jobs (or perhaps he was turning up his nose at the rich aroma of a McThrombosis with Double Cheese), calling them "mere burger-flipping jobs". Ever since then, politicians, when they are not mandating that wages double but the price of meals stay the same, proudly create "good-paying jobs". A typical good-paying job is applying continual changes to a government rulebook about how burgers must be flipped, for the benefit of the people actually doing the work. Currently, the world's governments employ 19 Specifiers for each actual burger-flipper.

==Advertising==
{{Main|Advertising}}
[[File:Ronald-mcdonald-is-arrested-in.jpg|thumb|The first Ronald boasted Millions Served Daily, though he is on the Sex Offender Registry in five U.S. states.]]

Like a large [[insurance]] company with a [[telephone]] bank and a junk-mail campaign, advertising for McDonald's largely depends on mascot characters. These characters endear themselves to the children and (as in the insurance-company example) have nothing to say about whether the actual product is any good.

Unfortunately, McDonald's is a few steps behind its competitors. Where [[Taco Bell]] has a talking [[Chihuahua]] who says, "Drop the chalupa!" or "Yo quiero Taco Bell", the McDonald's pitch-man is a talking clown. That is simply not realistic. People can believe a dog talks, but certainly not a clown.

===Ronald McDonald===
{{Main|Ronald McDonald}}
[[File:Fat man mcdonalds.jpg|thumb|left|McDonald employees also draw their salary in the company's own products.]]

'''Ronald McDonald''' is the namesake of the enterprise, the Chief Technology Officer, and the favorite clown of all kids everywhere. Yay! But if this fine encyclopedia could cast a few raindrops on the parade: Why is he such a jerk?

We all know the red-and-yellow clown is more of a lock on becoming the American President than even [[Hillary Clinton]] or [[Jeb Bush]]{{SP}}... no, make that the Secretary General of the [[United Nations]], if not the entire [[universe]]. But, for [[Christ|Chrissakes]], his function is to brainwash young children, to get them to break the springs of the back seat of the car shouting to be taken to McDonald's, when you are trying to get them home for an uplifting meal of [[broccoli]] on [[Rice burner|boiled rice]]. What is so "fun" about that clown?

===Sidekicks===
Like so many movie stars and politicians, the success of Ronald McDonald contained the very seeds of his own downfall, seeds that were not in the shape of Golden Arches and grew nothing when planted.<ref>They were not toasted sesame seeds either. That would be the other joint.</ref>

Thanks to the incentives in his contract with the restaurant chain, Ronald was soon able to afford a mansion in Malibu with electric fence and a large security staff. He called this bachelor pad "[[McDonaldland]]".

Better protected than [[Michael Jackson]] in "[[Neverland]]" but equally devoted to impressionable youngsters{{SP}}– and to sudden inexplicable changes in the color of his own skin{{SP}}– Ronald began to attract unsavory associates. This started small, with a small associate inside a bird suit. Then a certain "Hamburglar" started hanging around, always present when those wild parties began and usually staying after everyone else left.
[[File:King Dollar.jpg|thumb|It could hardly be creepier, could it?]]

Before long, Gomez McCheese, the [[mayor]] of Malibu and heretofore thought of as totally uncorruptible, also began spending all his off-hours at the mansion, often frolicking in the [[pool]] until he was more shriveled-up than a Filet O'Fish left in the fat by a first-year intern. All hope for honest government was abandoned.

Ronald and his entourage often made visits to hospitals to cheer up chronic-care patients. Tellingly, the parents of these patients were shunted next door in one of a series of "Ronald McDonald Houses" while the Ronald gang planted unspeakably perverse ideas in the minds of their offspring.

Finally, founder Ray Kroc put his foot down, although it did not quite reach down from Heaven to Earth. Each of Ronald's pals was given a healthy cash payment to [[GTFO|clear the premises]], and a one-way ticket to his choice of any city in the [[Southern United States]]. McDonaldland, Neverland, and the Houses were not mentioned again. There is a cover story concerning a grease fire in the kitchen and Ronald's again "working solo", with no mention of burglary nor payoffs to government officials.

The scariest years of the McDonaldland era became a [[Stephen King]] novel, then a [[movie]] in which the character of Ronald at his most [[Satan]]ic is portrayed by none other than [[Jack Nicholson]].

===Happy===
{{Q|I'm a happy meal that could go to space{{SP}}... because I'm happy.|Happy|himself}}

It was months after McDonaldland was fumigated and forensic crews were sent in before the full extent of Ronald's sorcery became clear: he had given [[free will]] to the '''Happy Meal'''. In this diabolical plan, it would not be necessary to lure children to McDonald's to order Happy Meals, when the cardboard box could do its own luring. Like the Sorcerer's Apprentice, the "millions served daily" would become a million new pitch-men.

The only fly in the ointment was that, like a pin-up of [[Dorian Grey]], the Happy Meal now had a permanent scowl on its face. Parents were repelled and would not take the kids to McDonald's no matter how much loud squealing came from the back seat. Even driving across town and dealing with the pain of bellies full of ''jalapeño'' peppers, before they finally Dropped the Chalupa, seemed tame by comparison. Sales took a nosedive. Though Happy hung on for a few extra months, this final relic of the McDonaldland era was snuffed out by teams of Public Relations employees. His identification mag-card was confiscated and he was given five minutes to clear out his desk before guards escorted him out of the facility.

Happy now survives only in [[Latin America]] where, by all accounts, Ronald McDonald is dead{{SP}}– surely murdered by that same female president who took care of the [[journalist]].

==Criticism==
Experts have criticized the way in which employees ask you if you want to super-size the combo for more [[calories|fun]] with ketchup, salt, today's special, today's special dessert, and a set of four Hobbit glasses. The experts note that these glasses never come with enough straws.

Fast-food critic [[Super Size Me|Morgan Spurlock]] says McDonald's doesn't in fact give customers what they want. On a recent visit, he put these problems in plain terms:
{{Cquote|Use REAL beef the same size as the BUN! Oh, and please don't reheat the 12:30 leftovers and pass it off as fresh. No crusty edges on the McMuffin egg please! Oh, and two and a HALF pieces of cheese. MELTED NOT LIMP. And a slice of tomato! Beefsteak! Extra onions! Oh, and burn the bread! Burn everything! Because I like my [[Fecal E.Coli|E. coli]] black and ashy, same goes for [[salmonella]]. And if it ain't burnt to a crisp, I ain't eatin' it!|Morgan to an employee.}}

He also says the employees always forget the pickles. The average patient-as-a-saint customer at this point throws away the burger and screams unto the heavens, "I WANT MY McPICKLES, BITCH!!!" This continues until the high school drop-out at the grill understands the college drop-outs at the cash registers are telling him to make another burger.

===From the customer's perspective===
Customers often order at the Drive Thru. A typical customer is behind a mini-van full of fat people who arbitrarily order three of everything on the menu. Two hours later, Daddy Fat finally manages to push the gas pedal and moves away from the speaker.

Now finally at the order window, the customer hears: "THNKYFRCHSNMCDNLDSTKYRORDER". The tinny speakers are compensated for by over-volume startling those in the back seat so that they hit their heads on the roof.

The patrons regain their composure after a minute and decide the employee probably said, "Thank you for choosing McDonald's. May I take your order, please?" However, just as they respond, they hear, "GIMMEONESEC". Then nothing, for much more than one sec.

"THNKSOMUCHAGAINFURCHOUSINGUS," the employee blares at them, quickly followed by "MAYIEHAEFEYURORDRE" before the first sentence can be fully deciphered. The patrons order a #1 with Extra Big Mac Sauce. They hear guffaws through the cheap speakers, though they could not have known that the fry cook is named Big Mac. The customer is told to pull up to the ''seventy-second'' window. The first [[window]] is always closed, and hence the customer actually has to pull up to the ''second'' window. Note that there are three windows, just like on that [[television]] game show, which explains why the order-taker is often confused.

The customer receives the order and asks for [[ketchup]]. They receive one ketchup. They ask for some more ketchup, and following a glare, receive one more ketchup. They say they want even more ketchup, and the manager is called. "Suh, ah cayan onleh geev you too mahr keeshups," the manager informs them, and the customer agrees that two more is all they need.

Such pleasant experiences ensure that the customer returns the next day, and the cycle repeats until the customer dies of morbid obesity.

==Main competitors of McDonald's==


===Burger King===
[[File:Bkchef.jpg|left|80px|A chef at Burger King]]
{{Q|You could barely be a jester in my court!|[[Burger King]]|Ronald McDonald}}

[[Burger King]] is a competitor of McDonald's. Whereas McDonald's services craftsmen, clerics, and whatever class comprises those paying with Electronic Benefit Transfer cards, Burger King mainly targets nobility, the [[bourgeoisie]], and [[stereotypes|snooty French people]]. Burger King once proposed a collaboration with the plebeian McDonald's but got nothing but a thumbed nose in response.


===Kentucky Fried Chicken===
[[File:Mayweather kfc.jpg|right|80px]]
{{Q|I, Colonel Sanders, approved this message.|[[Colonel Sanders]] recording a political commercial}}

The social class that [[KFC]] targets is slave-owners in the [[Southern United States]] who were never notified that the [[Civil War]] ended. Also, everyone in [[China]].

===Another Castle===
[[File:Another castle logo.png|left|80px]]
{{Q|Mama mia! For sure they use Goomba meat.|[[Mario]] after ordering a burger}}

[[Another Castle]] was a past spin-off of the McDonald's family, with locations throughout the Mushroom Kingdom. Its innovation was the Slider, a hamburger long before it became a control on a sound mixer panel. The Slider could go down the hatch without time-consuming chewing because it was no larger than a pound coin. McDonald's tried to imitate this quality by sheer greasiness, but its products were larger and tended to get stuck in the throat. Bowser, the King of the Koopas, dined at Another Castle daily and became too listless and chubby to service the Princess, thereby ensuring the future of his royal house as poorly as [[Henry VIII]].


===Taco Bell===
[[File:Black Lab.jpg|right|80px]]
{{Q|Drop the chalupa!|Fido (pictured)}}

[[Taco Bell]] is sometimes dismissed as a competitor of McDonald's, as the latter has hamburgers, which the former does not; while the former has about twenty combinations of beans and tortillas, while it is not clear what is in the latter's products. However, if you are hungry, and you go to either place, you cease to be hungry without visiting the other place. Animal-rights advocates do not go to Taco Bell, because they consider the CGI transformations required to make Fido appear as a [[Chihuahua]] to be animal abuse that would make [[American football|Michael Vick]] seem like a Boy Scout.


===The Krusty Krab===
[[File:No this is Patrick.png|left|80px|thumb|"I'm not a Krusty Krab, mom!"]]
{{Q|It would be a damned shame if something was to happen to ya.|[[Mr. Krabs]]}}

[[The Krusty Krab]] is likewise dismissed as a competitor of McDonald's, as the latter exists, while the former does not, except in [[television]] cartoons and spin-off [[movie]]s. In fact, the two are comparable. While McDonald's dabbles in Hamburgling and bribery of politicians, Krusty Krab overtly threatens that its own customers will "feed the fishes", when it ought to be ''vice versa''.

==Trivia==
[[File:Z51905882.gif|right]]
*The restaurant chain was named after [[Old McDonald]], who had a farm (''E-I, E-I-O'').
*Don't go there.

==McLinks==
*[[Pinecone]]
*[[Corpsearian]]
{{McWhopper}}

==References==
{{Reflist}}

{{Business}}
{{Spork|[[:es:McDonald's|Inciclopedia]]}}
{{FA|date=25 March 2020|revision=5971054}}

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