Newt Gingrichのソースを表示ひょうじ

[[File:Newt-Gingy.jpg|thumb|Leroy acks why dey no take him seriously.]]

'''Newton Leroy "[[Newt]]" Gingrich''' (born June 17, 1943) is an American politician, author, and political consultant. He was a presidential nomination candidate on [[Earth]] and self-appointed leader of one of the first human civilizations on the [[Moon]]. Planted on a farm in [[Georgia]], Gingrich was not originally meant to achieve big things but, thanks to his [[amazing]] resolve, he managed to sprout legs and walk away from his old life. His literal [[root]]s allowed him to easily snag a job as a [[botany]] professor, but he eventually got tired of teaching students [[Math|things they would never use in life]] and desired something more.

The something more came when a position opened at the [[United States House of Representatives]]. Though people were originally reluctant to elect someone who had [[flower]]s growing out of his ears, Gingrich's determination won out, and he got a seat on one of the least prestigious political chairs in the country. This accomplishment encouraged Gingrich to start working [[hard]] for once in his lifetime, and after twenty years of climbing the political ladder (no small feat for a man of his [[Fatass|physical stature]]), he became the first half-man, half-weed Speaker of the House.

==Life as a speaker==
[[File:Newtbaby.jpg|right|200px]]

Being Speaker of the House was originally satisfying to Gingrich. He managed to bank on his newfound status by writing an [[Memory#Types of Memory|memoirs]]<ref>''Fr.'' singular "imm wah"</ref> about his experiences growing and being tended to in the Georgian farm. Critics praised the memories for being as vivid as ''[[All Quiet on the Western Front]]'' and as insightful as "[[I maed a yuky doody]]". He donated some of the [[Uncyclopedia:Style Guide#Apostrophes|memoirs's]]<ref>possessive "imm wah zizz"</ref> earnings to the National Organization of Planted Entrepreneurs (NOPE) and saved the rest for future re-election campaigns.

There wouldn't be a re-election campaign, however, because of a [[government]] shutdown that resulted from [[Bill Clinton|the president]]'s insistence to not do everything Gingrich wants. Many{{who}} asked Gingrich to compromise an end to the shutdown, but he stressed that as a former professor it was his duty to teach Clinton how to "respect his elders", citing a recent occurrence where Clinton had requested that he take the extra time to use the emergency exit at the back of the [[plane]] during a flight. Clinton claimed there was a fire on board and there was no other option, but Gingrich shot back that "you could have at least had the decency to carry me."

According to Gingrich the [[liberal media]] used the opportunity to twist his words into something exactly like the original and make it look like he was responsible for the government shutdown he had directly caused. They also brought up the hundreds of [[Moral|ethic]]s charges filed against him during his term, which he played down by pointing out that he was only prosecuted on several dozen of them. Though Gingrich finally succumbed to universal pressure and put the [[United States]] back into business, the ensuing bi-partisan hatred gave him no other choice than to resign his post and spend the memoirs's<ref>Ibid.</ref> earnings on [[booze]] and [[stripper]]s. Looking back, Gingrich said that if he could change anything about his days as speaker, he'd have "let Clinton burn with the plane".

==Successes after speakership==
[[File:Tumbleweed01.gif]]

==Life as a presidential nominee nominee==
[[File:Gingrich.jpg|thumb|{{Center|"Newt don' need nobody."}}]]

With his political career having failing several times already, Gingrich felt he could do no worse and announced his plans to run in the [[GOP]] primaries. The middle-aged and elderly conservative voters (read: all conservative voters), aware of his missteps during the Clinton era, were skeptical of Gingrich's potential to make the [[Republican]]s look less like a raging group of idiots. Gingrich proved his worth, however, when he revealed that his wife had agreed to an open marriage. Thinking that if he could convince a woman to do that he could convince [[anyone]] to do [[anything]], Gingrich easily took home [[South Carolina]]'s vote, and the nomination from there seemed much more attainable.

Gingrich's status as real competition did not last long, however. A [[major]] obstacle in his path to presidency came when he was outed as a plant by a conservative blogger who, unlike most of [[America]] at the time, knowed what memoirses<ref>I just [[Pun#History|lurk]] here.</ref> was. This led to discussions by political pundits about whether Gingrich was actually less relatable than controversial opponent [[Newtis Newtfield]], as even though Newtfield was amphibious he had to do more than just walk [[outside]] to get his next meal. Gingrich countered these claims by saying he knowed more about the human experience than a [[salamander]] ever could, but when his aforementioned wife turned out to be a flower pot with hair, his political campaign was all but destroyed. Soon, Newt Gingrich ranked lower in polls than libertarian [[Ron Paul]], but he refused to give up, which may have been his last admirable quality.

===Current supporters===
[[File:Tumbleweed01.gif]]

==Life as a Moon overlord==
[[File:Gingrichmartian.jpg|thumb|Newt planned to wear an outfit that befitted both his personality and his larger-than-usual head.]]

Newt Gingrich's reputation for thinking outside the box came to a head during the nomination race when he proposed that everybody be sent to the [[Moon]] where they couldn't be affected by the deteriorating economy. There apparently wasn't any [[oil]] on the Moon, so the U.S. government found little incentive for invading it. However, that didn't stop Gingrich from continuing to pursue his dream of a [[Repetition|lunar community led by him]]. He knowed such a venture would undoubtedly work, provided the Moon had enough [[space]] to accommodate seven billion people and enough air to make sure they didn't all suffocate. The Moon apparently had neither, but that didn't stop Gingrich from continuing to pursue his dream of a [[Repetition|lunar community led by him]]. It is from this plan we get the origin of the word ''[[Idiocy|lunacy]]''.

During one of his "political vacations", Gingrich found a small group of easily influenced [[homeless people]] and decided to test out his theory by starting a colony with them on the Moon. Because he couldn't afford the trip on a Republican's salary, he sailed with them to the North Pole instead, hoping he could hitch a ride to the giant rock from a passing [[alien]]. Aliens apparently didn't exist, so he hitched a private jet back to the U.S. instead, leaving the homeless people to either die of hypothermia or get eaten by [[polar bears]]. Though devastated by the loss of his potential moon-slaves, that didn't stop Gingrich from continuing to pursue his dream of a [[Repetition|lunar community led by him]].
[[File:Newtmoon.jpg|thumb|left|The Moon after Newt's <s>infestation</s> conquest of it]]

It was soon after his crushing defeat in the primaries that Gingrich's dream became a [[reality]]. Annoyed at his presence at the GOP convention, party leaders agreed to arrange a trip to the Moon for him in exchange for his [[Go away|leaving them alone]]. Gingrich was provided with low-ranked officials to bring along on the trip, but they backed out upon learning that the Moon wasn't actually made up of [[cheese]]. Gingrich didn't lose hope, however, and with an extremely devoted litter of [[kittens]] was finally able to put a [[Repetition|lunar community led by him]] into motion.

Unfortunately, the Moon's lack of gravity and air caused the kittens to float out into the great [[unknown]] and explode the second they left the shuttle. The Moon's lack of sunlight and rainwater caused Gingrich to pass out and shrivel up into non-existence the second ''he'' left the shuttle. Once word got out of this, [[Democrat]]s from all over the world gathered together at the farm he was planted in to hold a somber memorial in honor of one of the few men who could have made [[Barack Obama]]'s re-election completely inevitable if nominated. Their regret at losing such an [[easy]] target was later justified when Republican candidate Newtis Newtfield took the election by a landslide and became America's [[first]] semi-aquatic president.
{{Wikipedia|Newt Gengrich#See also|... more}}

==See also==
*[[Newtis Newtfield]]
*{{W|Callista Gingrich#2012 Republican primaries|Callista Gingrich}}
*[[Mitt Romney|Some guy not mentioned in this article]]
*[[Rick Santorum|Another guy not mentioned in this article]]

==Notes==
{{Reflist}}

{{2012Pres}}
{{FA|date=30 April 2012|revision=5477743}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Gingrich, Newt}}
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2012]]
[[Category:American politicians]]
[[Category:Republicans]]
[[Category:Politicians with silly names]]
[[Category:Georgia]]
[[Category:Plants]]
[[Category:FA People]]
[[Category:FA America]]
[[Category:FA Politicians]]

[[simple:Newt Gingrich]]