「Pocket」の版 間 の差分
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2022
In Females[
Яussian Conspiracy[
See Also[
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| + | [[File:Phone-in-pants-pocket.jpg|thumb|right|300 px|A pocket eating an [[iPhone]] for lunch.]] |
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| − | {{Wilde|Yeah man, fuck pockets!|Pockets}} |
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| ⚫ | '''Pockets''' are naturally occurring entities in [[pants]], dinner jackets, [[possum]]s, [[O'Possums|opossums]], buttoned [[shirt]]s, extra-large [[brassiere]]s, and [[kangaroo]]s. Because of the ravages of [[natural selection]], some pockets have become highly skilled in the art of [[camouflage]] and can lurk just about anywhere while carrying immense quantities of illegal [[drug]]s and unmarked credit cards. Pockets have been used since the beginning of [[time]] for the short-term storage of [[stuff]], small [[thing]]s, and other crap. Empty pockets may be used for the temporary warming of cold [[hand]]s and the popular sport of pocket pool. However, everybody knows the main reason pockets exist is so that [[men]] can "ajust" their [[genitals]] in public without anybody noticing, or at least give men the feeling that no one knows what they are doing. [[Everybody]] of course does. |
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| − | {{Q|I dropped my pocket!|Richard Feynman|[[Ionized Space Crack]]}} |
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| + | == In Females == |
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| − | In [[topology]], a '''pocket''' is a semi-bounded [[Space-time continuum|space-time]] manifold with variable internal spatial [[volume]] and (at most) one [[hole|aperture]]. |
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| + | The [[pocket]] is non-existent in the majority of [[females]]. This i=often assumed to be because it causes them to look bulkier, obscuring their curves. Therefore, men are less likely to mate with them, and via the power of natural selection, most females lack pockets. However, this is only the "formal" explanation, supported by "science". |
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| + | === Яussian Conspiracy === |
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| − | ==Pockets in Nature== |
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| + | According to [[Conspiracy theorist|Kooky Mel]], since the dawn of time, Яussians have been on a secret campaign to rid the world of all pockets. They have focused on eliminating them from females due to them being less protective of their body parts. They have collaborated with [[Elizabeth II|Queen Elizabeth]], [[Fashion|fashion cartels]], [[Ear|the god of ears]], and [[Atomic Mass|Larry]] to achieve nigh total elimination of women's pockets. |
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| − | Naturally-occurring pockets are often found to occur naturally in [[pants]], dinner [[jacket]]s, [[possum]]s, [[O'Possums|opossums]], buttoned [[shirt]]s, extra-large [[brassiere]]s, and [[kangaroo]]s. Because of the ravages of [[natural selection]], some pockets have become highly skilled in the art of [[camouflage]], and can lurk just about anywhere while carrying immense quantities of illegal [[drug]]s and unmarked credit cards. |
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| − | ==Exploitation of Pockets== |
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| ⚫ | Pockets have been used since the beginning of [[time]] |
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| − | == Opposition == |
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| − | Some organisations, most notably sports clubs, have banned pockets for fear that they will be used to smuggle in the aforementioned illicit substances. |
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| − | There are also people who decide not to wear pockets for personal reasons, either all the time or only when they feel like it. These reasons can include: |
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| − | * to reassure others that they are not hiding anything illicit |
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| − | * an opinion that pockets are [[ugly]] |
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| − | * their not going well with some kinds of [[outfit]]s |
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| − | * the sense of pleasure that derives from being without pockets |
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| − | * to avoid being a target of [[pickpocket]]s |
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| − | * to minimise the number of things [[assault]]ers can grab you by |
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| − | * rebellion against the [[duty]] to carry certain [[stuff]] around wherever you go, most notably the [[ID card]]s they're threatening to inflict on us. |
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| − | Some breeds of [[clothing]] have [[evolution|evolved]] to adapt to these organisations and people. Many of these breeds are most active in the [[summer]], since this is a time when they are not threatened by millions of [[hand]]s searching in vain for [[warmth]] as would happen in other seasons. |
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| − | == The Worst of Both Worlds == |
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| − | The process of [[mutation]] sometimes causes pockets to turn out completely powerless. They are then known as '''fake pockets'''. These cannot secrete illicit drugs, or anything else for that matter, and any hand attempting to enter one will receive no [[warmth]]. |
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| − | On the other hand, they are just as ugly as real pockets, and they can cause [[police]], [[pickpocket]]s and the like to think you've something to hide when you don't. As such, fake pockets are totally useless. |
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| − | ==Pockets and Cosmology== |
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| − | Scientists have only recently determined that the proper functioning of pockets is highly dependent on the unforgiving laws of [[physics]]. All known pocket [[malfunction]]s can ultimately be traced to the sudden failure of either [[friction]] or [[gravity]] somewhere within our [[universe]]. Also, alarmed [[cosmology|cosmologists]] believe that if two similarly sized pockets ever collided, the result will be an irreparable breach in the fabric of space-time itself. So, for the love of [[Jesus]], never ''EVER'' attempt to put one pocket inside another pocket, or we're all [[doom]]ed! |
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| − | ==Things Found in One of My Pockets One Midsummer Morning== |
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| − | *[[Air]] |
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| − | *[[Lint]] |
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| − | *Hole |
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| − | *[[Pikachu]] |
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| − | *Billiard [[ball]] |
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| − | *Used tissue |
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| − | *Baby kangaroo |
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| − | *Pocket change |
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| − | *Leaking [[pencil]] |
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| − | *Pocket [[calculator]] |
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| − | *[[Sacagawea dollar coin|Worthless Sacagawea metallic slug]] |
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==See Also== |
==See Also== |
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*[[Pokemon|Pocket monster]] |
*[[Pokemon|Pocket monster]] |
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| + | *[[UnBooks:Pat Robertson's Christian Pocket Dictionary: Volume Deux|Pocket dictionary]] |
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| + | {{Template:Catstub|Fashion}} |
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2022年 11月1日 (火) 21:28時点 における最新 版
A pocket eating an iPhone for lunch.
Pockets are naturally occurring entities in pants, dinner jackets, possums, opossums, buttoned shirts, extra-large brassieres, and kangaroos. Because of the ravages of natural selection, some pockets have become highly skilled in the art of camouflage and can lurk just about anywhere while carrying immense quantities of illegal drugs and unmarked credit cards. Pockets have been used since the beginning of time for the short-term storage of stuff, small things, and other crap. Empty pockets may be used for the temporary warming of cold hands and the popular sport of pocket pool. However, everybody knows the main reason pockets exist is so that men can "ajust" their genitals in public without anybody noticing, or at least give men the feeling that no one knows what they are doing. Everybody of course does.
In Females[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
The pocket is non-existent in the majority of females. This i=often assumed to be because it causes them to look bulkier, obscuring their curves. Therefore, men are less likely to mate with them, and via the power of natural selection, most females lack pockets. However, this is only the "formal" explanation, supported by "science".
Яussian Conspiracy[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
According to Kooky Mel, since the dawn of time, Яussians have been on a secret campaign to rid the world of all pockets. They have focused on eliminating them from females due to them being less protective of their body parts. They have collaborated with Queen Elizabeth, fashion cartels, the god of ears, and Larry to achieve nigh total elimination of women's pockets.
See Also[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
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