A story built one article at a time/UnNews:Lord Móckasiin exposed as an illegitimate ruler

Monday, April 22, 2024

Several shoe-shaped leather tanks have escorted Móckasiin out of his "home nation". We are unsure of his future.

MUOHKASEN, Moccasinia, April 22, 2024. Great Lord Móckasiin's credit card has been leaked to the people of the small domain of Moccasinia, revealing that he was born in France and that he is not the true heir to the Moccasinian throne (the Golden Moccasin.) His true name appears to be Jacques Noir. Noir had previously cooked the real Móckasiin alive in a giant muffin, then served the muffin as a feast for himself. The future of this small nation is uncertain. Will chaos break out with no heir to the 2,000-year glory set down by the ancient god Mokkááwŝen eons ago?

With Ojai, an ancient place of refuge some 135 miles outside the borders of Moccasinia, reduced to ashes after Knife Girl's reign of terror, we are fully unsure of Noir's future. Will he go to live among the Commie Party of Ojaio, once the scapegoat of all the problems in Ojai? Will he feast upon Aracuan birds? If John manages to catch up to the former Lord Móckasiin, Móckasiin will be almost certainly killed in an instant. Even Móckassin, fradulent as he was, is far from deserving of assassination.

MÓCKASIIN JACQUES NOIR ON THE RUN

Once Móckasiin has finally reached the vaguely-defined border that serves as the limit of Moccasinia, he was surprisingly allowed to run free, yet he is now permanently shunned by his own "people". He continues to wear the traditional garb of Moccasinian warlords because the Moccasinian army was afraid to touch him and take it off. The few purported sightings of Noir have led us to believe that he has resorted to drinking from rivers, eating berries off bushes, and digging out of garbage cans at night. He even has been selling his now-dirty moccasin stash for money, at a whopping $150 per individual moccasin. This is the only way that he can currently obtain good food and the occasional stay at a motel. He only has so many moccasins (although he definitely owns more moccasins than you). Eventually he'll be broke from running out of moccasins. After this, he will be reduced to foraging or starve to death.

John on Móckasiin's whereabouts

John Johnson believes that he has seen Noir's footprints in the woods, and has been tracking Noir on foot for the past few days, eating only MRE's and spending the nights in a tent. John has however become increasingly suspicious that he is not following Noir footprints but someone who purchased moccasins from Noir.

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