Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/October 13

October 13: International Paranoia Day

• 54 - Claudius, Roman Emperor (b. 10 BC) is assassinated by the C.I.A. Historians say this is impossible because the C.I.A. wasn't in existence yet... which is exactly what the C.I.A. would like to have you believe.
• 1792 - Cornerstone laid for the White House. Who lays stones? Masons. What organization did the masons start? Freemasons. Do I need to spell the rest out for you people?
• 1835 - Nothing of historical significance happened on this day in history... or so the Illuminati would have us believe.
• 1937 - Aviation pioneer Igor Sikorsky has a bunch of unpainted helicopters sitting around his factory, and gets a deal on 5000 gallons of black paint. The Black Helicopter is invented. You'd have to be pretty naive to think this was just a lucky coincidence.
• 1947 - Nothing happens at Roswell (wink wink).
• 1949 - First meeting of the Trilateral Commission... or is it?
• 1950 - Campaign to flouridate the water supply begun by Communists.
• 1951 - Members of The Resistance discover that tin foil can block mind control rays.
• 1955 - The. U.S. Government does not begin top secret operations at Area 51 (wink wink).
• 1965 - CIA begins spiking the water supply with LSD. The next five years are a fucking blast.
• 1968 - NASA works feverishly to build the sets for the 1969 "moon landings".
• 1974 - TV personality Ed Sullivan passes away due to "natural causes". And just like that, the Jews are one step closer to global domination.
• 1981 - C.I.A. begins research into several devious weapons which will allow them to covertly destroy the fabric of American society, including crack cocaine, AIDS, and Celine Dion.
• 1983 - An automotive engineer invents an engine that runs for 1000 miles on a gallon of water. He disappears 3 days later and is never seen again.
• 1999 - They start following me, first its at a distance, but by October they are no more than 100 yards away at any one time.
• 2000 - Preparations for the 9-11 attacks are begun by agents of the United Nations, the Jews, the CIA, the Vatican, the Frito-Lay company, and the Cub Scouts.
• 2001 - Now they have bugged my telephone, and I am telling you the apartment opposite has a camera facing into my rooms.
• 2006 - William Shatner still on TV. I'm telling ya, there's gotta be a conspiracy behind that one.
• 2007 - Bob Barker is still alive, despite rumors of beliefs that he is suspected to be 124 years old.
• 2008 - CIA disbanded... or is it just the beginning?
• 2010 - That Guy is spotted on the roof with a rifle of some sort...