Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/October 26

October 26: International Time Travel Day

• 1492 - Christopher Columbus invents herpes to pass the time on tedious transatlantic voyages.
• 1701 - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania incorporated as an American city.
• 1776 - The first Continental Congress adjourns in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
• 1805 - Citizens, using stolen British documents, develop simple time travel and travel back to 1701 and eradicate Philadelphia in order to save the East Coast from what would be present Philadelphia. Make second stop a bit farther east and remove area of future New Jersey for good measure as well. All is peaceful.
• 1822 - The Rock discovers the secret to time travel, goes back in time to kill Hitler, only to realize Hitler wasn't born yet.
• 1917 - The first Lifetime limited warranty is created when Congress passes the Broken Stamp Act of 1917.
• 1921 - Highlander comes forward a billion years and impales Sean Connery on a parking meter.
• 1944 - Albert Einstein and Nikola Tesla invent a time machine by accident. They travel to 1996 and meet Elton John, The Spice Girls and Bill Clinton's Cigar. They promptly return home, dismantle the time machine and deny it ever happened. It has become known amongst Conspiracy Theorists as the Philadelphia Experiment
• 1946 - Enjoy whale meat day (Japan)
• 1969 - The 69 sex position is invented
• 1980 - The 1981 DMC DeLorean, which is later used as a time machine, is released.
• 1985 - Dr. Emmett Brown invents a time machine out of a DeLorean
• 1988 - Bill and Ted build a time machine out of a phone booth.
• 1988 - Pre-Emo angsty teenage outsider, Donnie Darko, avoids being killed by a time-traveling jet engine by sleeping on a golf course.
• 1988 - Pre-Emo angsty teenage outsider, Donnie Darko, is killed by a time-traveling jet engine.
• 1994 - First Time Cop trained; turns into serial killer, but accidently destroys own grandmother, creating a paradox
• 1996 - The less popular 96 sex position is invented
• 1999 - The 99 sex position is invented. Wait -- How does that work?
• 2000 - It is discovered that Rosa Parks was actually a middle-aged caucasian man named Hank.
• 2001 - First Time Traveller's Convention Held in New York. No future being reported.
• 2003 - Goverment develops a time machine, George W. Bush travels to the past to party with his past self.
• 2006 - Some angsty teenager has an internal conflict with herself about stuff only Col. Sherman Potter and his son Harry Potter would understand.
• 2011 - Very first time machine invented by Christopher Columbus, he then used it to go back in time and "discover" a new world, instead he finds herpes.
• 30012 - We blew it up! Ah, damn us! God damn us all to hell!
• 32012 - The Apes Blew it up! Ah, damn them too! God Damn them all to hell, also!
• 32013 - God damns all to hell...FINALLY!
• 32014 - God, realizing his mistake uses a time machine to make the whole "blowing it all up" thing just a crapy movie.