「User:RadicalX/Grand Theft Auto: Vatican City」の版 間 の差分
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*[[Black Sabbath]]'s Tour Bus |
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2008年 7月 24日 (木) 19:29時点 における版
The Prince of Darkness – the ultimate purveyor of all things wicked, vile, and malevolent – has personally reviewed this page. The submitter and all subsequent editors are damned to eternal torment in hellfire.
Grand Theft Auto: Vatican City is the latest version of the popular Grand Theft Auto series of revenge-fantasy-for-the-impotent computer games.
Game synopsis
The main charcater, St.Carl "CJ" Johnson, is a priest on a mission. Set up by Elder Josea Canto Marluxia in the Church in New York, Father Caseareo has been framed for drinking all of the sacremental wine. Now to clear his name, Caseareo must follow a trail of bread (literally) that will lead to the real perpetrator and take him from the New World to Grand Theft Auto: Vatican City, available for the Nintendo DS and the Xbible 360 and the Sony PSP plus the PS3 (dont ask...)
It's not just another great game! This time it's not in Londono, San Fransisko, Miammim, nor New Old New York! Take on the Vatican! Jack the Pope Mobile! Avoid drive-bys by rival Protestants and Mormons as they try to "Bible thump" yo' ass! This time, no one comes back; everyone goes to purgatory! No ambulances, just Pope Mobiles, Pope Mobiles and more Pope Mobiles! No uzis, just holy water and Pope Mobiles and Holy Handgrenades! No pimps and prostitutes, justs priests and altar boys! Will he meet the Pope? Play and see! Round up the altar boys for good old fashioned violence in the name of God!
Gameplay
Interactivity in the game has increased tremendously since the previous installments of the series. In older editions, life could be regained by patronizing hookers. However, in GTA:Vatican City, hookers have been replaced by Altar boys, who run away and have to be captured prior to use.
You also play as a gay priest who wants to build his own gay theme park over the Vatican, and named it St. Peter Rectangle, which is actually an octagon, so he needs to control all the hookers and turn them into travesti-unshaved-religious-construction-workers. Among the challenges you will face are keeping your stock of Holy Water at healthy levels, collecting enough Relics to purchase Indulgences and the endlessly diverting task of attending not one, not two, but three masses a day! You will also be able to buy furniture for your own church.
There are lots of different things to decorate your church with. A brief list:
- mini-robot altar boys
- Holy water sprayer against evil bugs and other insects (the holy water is so toxic that Instantly kills any organic life form)
- Holy furniture (as same as normal furniture, the only diference is that it's made by god)
- The Cross (against evil heterosexual people)
Soundtrack
Classic and original songs by Daft Punk, Iron Maiden, Madonna, Marduk, Elton John, Boyz II Men, Coolio, Robert Plant, William Shatner, Mozart, Electric Mayhem, AC/DC, The Village People, The Alma College Kiltie Marching Band, Michael Jackson, Samael, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Guns N' Roses, Cristina d'Avena, Status Quo, Pink Floyd, Toploader, Aretha Franklin,Black Sabbath, Rush, Barbra Streisand, Men at Work, Slayer with Andrea Bocelli, The Residents, Elvis Presley, Metallica, Ringo Starr, Baron von Baron, Rolling Stones, Steely Dan, L. Roy Tippet, The Dead Milkmen, Dr. Dre, Belphegor and Britney Spears. The Internet teaser features Robert Mitchum's timeless classic "I learn a merengue, mama".
Critical Reviews
“(catching his breath) This games is so realistic, its like am running for my life.”
~ A guy running in the Vatican
“What, no candies? But i still love it! The Pope looks hot; I bet he is hung like a horse!”
“I did not have sex with this game disk, but if I could fit it in there I definitely would!!, 10 out of 10!”
“Not as good as my life story, but its still god, I mean good.”
“(pops outta nowhere) Save the nuns.Save the world (vanishes into nowhere)”
“Absolutely fabulous! This game totally revolutionizes the entire world of gameplay AND the Vatican!”
“Some of the nuns in here are the hottest nuns I've seen since Naughty Nuns 9!”
“I love this shit!”
“My wife is black!”
“I didn't do it, but I wrote a book on how I would do it, even though I didn't do it.”
“The best waste of time since kitten huffing! Blasphemous fun!”
“I have never played a more bloody cool game! I love to shoot nuns! Way to go, game!”
“I love this game so much im giving everyone in the audience a copy!”
“I'll have incestial relations with my daughters if you buy this game!!!?”
“I pity the fool who doesn't kill a grandma for bonus points ”
“If perhaps there were a game that would come as close as possible to emulating the real life Vatican City, this is the one.”
“Best Grand Theft Auto game ever, with a twist!”
“(jumping on couch) I love this game!”
“Whoa. I know kung fu, but this is ridiculous.”
“Grand Theft Auto? I think I can speak for everyone when I say we'd much rather play a good old fashion game of Pong.”
“Goddamn, this game is bat shit crazy!”
“Absolutely perfect. 100 percent yes. I loved it.”
“Fuckin' BLAM! I fucking' love this game, I get to fuckin' shoot some bloody, homosexual wogs and theres no fuckin' consequences.”
“ I can finally teach those fucking Catholics for a lesson for not listening to my thesis'. A four out of five.”
"THIS GAME SUX!!!!!!!!!!!!shift+1111111onehundredelevencos(0)"
~ 90 percent of the people on GameFAQs
“"BOOM NIGGA BOOM!!!!!!! , I PREFERED MY GAME HOMEBOY!!!!". ”
“ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING VATICAN ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING CITY! EVERYONE STRAP IN! We're about to pwn those cocksuckers.”
“O.K., you motherfuckers have gone too far this time!”
Vehicles
Like every Grand Theft game, there is a vast assortment of vehicles to hijack. These include:
- Eric
- The Popemobile (Impossible to get without cheating; Cheating, however, is one sin the Pope approves of)
- Crazy Taxis
- The Oscar Wilde Wienermobile™
- Black 1983 GMC Van
- Moon Buggy (in a special hidden easter egg referring to Grand Theft Cosmo.)
- Black Sabbath's Tour Bus
- That sleigh in this site's logo, but only during the holidays.
- An AH-64D Apache helicopter
- Mrs. Butts
- A Giant Elephant
- a Motherfuckin' plane filled with Motherfuckin' snakes
- another popemobile
- possible inclusion of a third pope mobile
- don't count on a fourth popemobile; they ain't cheap
- don't even start with a fifth one.
- T-34 battle tank.
- The oscar meyer weiner car.
- The batmobile (without all the blasphemous weapons)
- An erect penis
- a sixth popemobile
- Hotring Popemobile,of course
- Your Mom (She's a drivable tank, that shoots out cum)
- A red car
- The Mamma Mia! tour bus
- A Delorean
Weapons
The best is the Holy Hand Grenade. Others include
- AK-47
- Sniper rifle
- Double Barrel Shotgun
- Sexual organs
- Pens
- Holy crosses
- Ninja stars of David
- Holy WMD
- Strippers
- The ten commandments
- Spray cans of holy water
Basicly every other item that is picked up can be used as a weapon.
The Gangs
Like every other Latino, African, Indian, Asian-american game, there are various gangs:
- Switz Guard! (Nothing to be afraid of. All they got are Swiss Army knives with tweezers.)
- Atheus (A.K.A. The Real Rightous)
- Evangelics (A.K.A. The Nun-Believers)
- Jews (A.K.A. KILL EM 'OI!)
- tourists (A.K.A. Oh, that corpse is interesting!)
- Jesuits (A.K.A. Don't worry, we'll send you to spread the word in Asia)
- The Inquisition (with free red robes and a licence to burn)
- the Curia (push paper for Jesus!)
- 'Normal' Clergy (Become a Bishop, then a Cardinal! Wear your very own red hat! Even bribe your fellow cardinals into voting you the next Pope!)
ESRBRating
It has been rated M++2 for the following reasons
- Drug references and actual usage of drugs(holy water)
- Tears of blood(brought on by over consumption of holy water)
- STD's(not visible in game)
- Alcohol use (the game actually comes with alcohol)
- Religious references
- Violence
- Kitten Huffing
- Exaggerated amounts of following things: Crack, holy water, kittens, abortions, gays, the Pope
- comes with large amounts of fat chicks
- Your Mom
- Jews
- Jesus
- heterosexuals
- Gays
- Duck Hunting
- Sex
Just kidding! did you honestly think it was M++2?
It's just M++ because their are no religious references.
AT ALL.
(holy water is called piss in this game and in comes in yellow not clear.)
See also
