Rest In Peace brave souls
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| Today's Featured Article
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In Memoriam
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
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| On this day...
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August 26: Creationism Vs. Evolution Annual Boxing Match/International Ameobic Birthday/The day before the day after Tomorrow
- 200,000,000,000,000,000 BC - God Creates existence. By creating existence, and simultaniously existing before existance, He created a paradox that came alive and tore a hole in the universe. Out of that hole, several thousand extremely surprised roadside diner waitresses named "Tiff" floated and suddenly (and not that surprisingly) died of asphyxiation.
- 12,032 BC - Wheel was invented by Sally and Bill Thompson from Scunthorpe UK.
- 5000 BC - Creationists evolve from homo sapiens.
- 1303 - Ala ud din Khilji won Chittor. It was behind door number 3.
- 1362 - Nothing happened. At all.
- 1567 - A great feast held by Duke Crisco The Lard is held at his home in Edinburgh. The resulting mass cannibalism is atributed to the duke's great hunger for "Scots"
- 1963 - August 26th is designated the official birthday of all ameobas by their UN Representative.
- 1971 - The discovery that God created Evolution makes scientists and theologians come together in a peace pact signed by the seventh incartion of Charles Darwin (a slightly confused Chimpanzee named BoBo) and the Mecha-Pope (a blue 1965 oldsmobile named Oldsmobile Model #32415 Serial:45563901).
- 1980 - The peace pact ends when Jerry Falwell decides to test everyone's faith by defying logic, saying that the entire universe was created in a 7 24 hour day period.
- 1981 - The right wing nutjobs abandon science and logic to be creationists, while the [[left wing liberal sissies abandon all hope of spiritual salvation and Heaven to be evolutionists.
- 1990 - At a creation/evolution debate, creationists kick the evolutionist's asses when they use the argument: Where did the ball that started the big bang come from?
- 1997 - God seeing all the confusion between the creationists and evolutionists reacts to it by doing absolutely nothing.
- 2008 - Another poorly written comedy article that nobody will ever read appears on uncyclopedia.
- 2025 - A pastor begins to question creationism.
- 2040 - After 60 years of pointless debates from 2 sides which both have truth, creationists and evolutionists come together once again and finally agree that God created evolution. There is now peace on earth and everyone lives happily ever after :-)
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| Word of the Day
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Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of en.uncyclopedia.co die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
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| If anyone cares on a day like today...
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| *... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
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Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.
