The Holy Teutonic Crusaders of Yumyum
“This is the greatest religion ever! Arrr!”
The Order of The Holy Teutonic Crusaders of Yumyum was founded by His Holiness Brother PenneRigate in Paderborn, a city located in Germany. He and his blessed brothers - believing the one true history of origin and future - are convinced of the one right path, the conversion of the masses is the aim. And noodles.
The belief is based on the Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.
History[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
The main influence for Brother PenneRigate was the seer (and designated) Brother PressoRistretto. He, with all his sageness, revealed the truth to him. Another believer, Brother PenneAldente, showed him time has come to spread the le.. ehm.. word, word! So the order was founded on August, 23th in 2005, nearly one month before the Holy Pirate Talking Day.
The belief[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
The holy order agrees to most of the facts of saucy genesis of FSM. But read it yourselves:
At first there was nothing, but His Noodlyness. But He, in His sageness, created three mountains. As there was no land before these were islands. He baptised them (with beer) Scabb Island, Phatt Island and Booty Island.
Then he created the trees and the Midgit, a guy called Guybrush. The Flying Spaghetti Monster told him to create small humans, having never even created a human before. Guybrush was the first 'chosen one' known to mankind, cause he created mankind.
The following three days, the wise One made everything else, including the famous hot grog. Due to a heavy overdose of grog, Guybrush lost his memory and can´t remember how important he was for all we´re believing in nowadays. But Guybrush was the first pirate and this joyfull event is celebrated every Thursday.
It is right that our omniscient and exquisite Father rested the last three days of the week we use to know - and so do we!
Not true is the pretended fact, that He created cave man with the intention of making a race - it have been ninjas.
Always remember that we believe in a heaven full of beer and strippers, see more here.
Rituals[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Talk like a pirate day[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Talk Like A Pirate Day, September 19th (Website) is the most blessed of all days, equivalent to Christians' "Christmas". This is the day the Flying Spaghetti Monster blesses all the people who talk like pirates, be they followers of the FSM or not. Obviously, to not talk like a pirate incurs horrific penalties, some of the worst of which involve haddock, but they are too gory for your eyes.
Read the holy noodles[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Not every follower - obviously chosen by His Noodlyness - is blessed with the great gift of reading the noodles.
It's only one member, the seer, who has the ability. Rumors are around, that the holy noodles are more readable during bad weather. This is the way to excuse. The seer can't interpret the noodles during good weather - the holy Noodlyness wants His followers to enjoy life under the blue sky.
Day of junk and scrap[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
This day is given to pay homage to the famous fruitless dealer / tricker Stan (scroll down for his beautiful relaxative picture) The crusaders appreciate his appereance every 1st day of a month. You don´t have to go to work, just look out for some rowing boats or coffins to buy!
But be warned, he is reported to be - under some hardly probable circumstances - talking a lot. To be forearmed for this case, you should have some nails and a hammer with you - you could need them...
Drinking For Nature-Day[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Our Brother Günther discovered the gift of drinking beer to save the rain forest. And - surprise! - it works! Try it for yourself, one crate of beer saves up to one meter² of rain forest. We do this to save the friends of Thorben-Hendrik, his famous parrot. The 'Drinking-For-Nature-Day' is every day you want it to.. That´s how you like official holidays, arrrr!
Stated maxims[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
The 1st maxim[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Every noodle is a good noodle. There´s no racial segregation for the teutonic crusaders, they love Rigates, Spaghettis, they love them self-made or deep-frozen.
The 2nd maxim[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Preparation is definitely a duty! The Crusaders know what's waiting in heaven: Beer and Strippers. To be forearmed for the timeless, never ending experience in heaven, the masses should practice as hard as they can. The expectations are high for the followers, but that´s the price of faith.
The 3rd maxim[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Spread the word! It has infinite value for a growing community. The word has to be spread transnationally!
Structure[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
The Order has no hierarchies in general. Everyone is equal to his Noodlyness. Only two cardinals are elected on August, the 24th. The results will be posted on Tuesday evening.
Members[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Regular Members[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
in order of joining:
Brother PenneRigate[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
The first three holy crusaders joined coevally. So a decision, who is first, second or third is hard to make.
Brother PressoRistretto[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
The seer of the order. A designated cardinal may be.
Brother PenneAldente[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
As mentioned before, he was the one showing the urgency of founding the order to the younger Brother PenneRigate.
Brother PenneNotYetNamed[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
He joined as the 4th member to the holy order.
Brother Mirácoli[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Member number 5 and spreading the word in Sennelager.
Sister Arrabiata[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
We welcome our first sister in all her glory. She is proud to proclamate the saucy word around Munich.
Brother Barilla[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
As far as we know our youngest member. But that doesn´t mean he can´t eat as much as any other here.
Brother Tricolore[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Concluding from his appearance, he has a big capacity for wisdom. But it's not - it's just for noodles, the delicious "Eliche Tricolore".
Sister Farfalle[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Member No. 9 and female No. 2 is welcome, too. The question for male strippers and their rate in heaven towards the female will be discussed in our newsletter.
Brother AgnolottiAlSerpente[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
To complete the first ten users und to spread the word in Bielefeld, Brother AgnolottiAlSerpente converted to share his belief. Take our wise Brother as a model - may you all be forever touched by His Noodly Appenage.
Brother Vermicelli[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Following the instructions of our adorable Noodlyness he convinces the habitants of wewer and the broader environs.
Brother Johann[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Our silent brother converted to complete the dirty dozen. May His noodly Appeareance bless him with speech.
Brother Casarecce[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
His Noodlyness sent out Brother Casarecce to spread the word from the fair city of Vienna to the shores of the Lake of Constance. Our saucy creator placed a large burden on him, but we all know he is dignified to fullfil this life task.
Brother Gnocchi[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
27th August was the date, brother Gnocchi joined. And he promised to be free of anything not beeing noodles for the next 27 years. This contract lengthens for another 27 years if not cancelled six month before.
Sister Nockerln[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Our first member joining in September was Sister Nockerln. We take her great body as a proof of the existence of His Noodlieness!
Brother Fetunchinal Fredo[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
He took it upon himself to join the order after a quick conversion to its ways, the afternoon of 12/14/2005. ARRRGH!!! The order is proud of his fighting spirit and hopes that he raises the moral of everyone of us to undreamt heights.
Honorary Members[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Brother Stan[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
See more here: Rituals
Brother Günther[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
our only wise brother Günther spreads the word - under the pretext of moderating a famous TV show - all around germany and it´s neighbouring countries. As you can see, he is quite religious and he loves the holy beer!
He is definitely blessed by His Noodlyness and he is accountable for getting merry for the rain forest. But see more here.
Brother Angus[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Our blessed brother Angus is the minister of defense. He, in his wisdom, uses no handguns due to an accident occurring in his childhood. (Not his birth, stupid!)
But he's the one, with his unimaginable sense for natural and physical science, who is able to defend us. He fights against the evil influence of brussels sprouts; the official hell of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism..with just a paper clip and a tape.
Brother Santa[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Every Christmas Eve, Santa Claus, as many children refer to him, will make his rounds. He visits every house in the world, leaving presents for good children, and coal for bad children. The presents he gives actually contain bombs. These bombs will simultaneously detonate in 5 seconds. Run!
Brother Happy[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Brother Happy is actually gay, and likes to eat your mums cock. Naturally, this leads to mass confusion, because this is actually Your job. Brother Happy kills kitten huffers and loves you.
Holy Artefacts[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
The holy 5 Minuten Terrine[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
The first artefact known to mankind is the Holy 5MinutenTerrine. It has spread out unnoticeably and can now be seen everywhere - even supermarkets were unable to escape. No fear! It's a great helper in times of need.
The holy pot[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
The second artecfact is the holy pot. Pot for the noodles for sure! It was found in Brother PenneRigate´s kitchen as a holy sign and proof of the existence of his Noodlyness. Everyone finding a pot in their kitchen can be glad - they have been chosen to do the greatest thing on earth. Cooking.
The holy water[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
The third artefact is the holy water. Which is beer, in fact. For the holy teutonic crusaders of yumyum, a little slurfing a noodle doesn´t go the way for conversion. You need beer for this, too.
The holy wooden spoon[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
This powerful artefact was discovered by Brother PressoRistretto. It has the incontestable ability to substain everybody touching it to beautiful circuiting movements. Scientifically inexplicable it has power to let us taste the holy sauces. May his noodlyness bless us and the holy wooden spoon!
News[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Peter lost his belief in His Noodlyness. So all his memories were deleted as punishment. Unfortunately, Peter was our server -> a-g-a-i-n a few eMail addresses are gone.
The last polls result: There will be no 5th holy artifact. But one question remains: Should Brother Gnocchi be our inquisitor ?
Many other facts of the order will be added soon. The holy teutonic crusaders are busy with the artifacts and converting..and sometimes work, too.
Brother Mirácoli mentioned, that the membership is totally free, you have lifetime-free-access to all features of the belief. (even no credit card needed)
Contact[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
You don't think, Barilla is just a boring city in Italy? You know Bertolli and Buitoni? You know these are rather places of pilgrimage?
Then join now!
Contact brother PenneRigate, you can mail to: PenneRigate@herr-der-mails.de
Links[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
External Links:[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Flying Spaghetti Monsterism: FSM.org
Article in a german magazine: Spiegel.de
German Website: Venganza.info
Bobby Hendersons Page: Venganza.org
Official Pirate Day Song: Paste this Link to 'Winamp-Add Url..'
Internal Links:[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
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