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The Bohemian Grove is a famous, secret closet-gay snob’s resort that means a lot of things to a very few people. For some envious wanna-be aficionados, such as reality theorist Alex Jones, it is the "Wise Old Owl’s Club,” but for the very, very few insiders it is an upscale gentlemen witch’s den situated in the steamy jungles of Northern California. The Bohemian Grove club house, which is almost invisible, surrounded as it is by glowing neon “Beware of the Owl” signs and heavily armed FEMA guards, is only visited by elitist world leaders, counterfeiters, peeping toms, and soggy-biscuit loving demon worshipers, who all congregate there to plan our future and generally engage in occult rituals such as dressing like hobbits and roasting marshmallows over burning human effigies.
With secretive members who rank highest in the world's food chain, the Bohemian Grove has become a subject intentionally encouraging numerous speculations and stealth trespassing by the less intelligent commoners of the human race. For extreme reality theorists, especially those who suffer from acute inferiority complexes, such as Alex Jones, the Grove is the roof, nay, the temple spire, of all evil and madness that is barfing upon humanity. It is the very Portal to an Over world which is inhabited by owlish forces hell-bent on establishing a New World Order.
Bohemian Grove members only exist to help Moloch control unwanted population growth and establish a fascist autotrophia in which 99% of unlucky mankind (the vast minority) will be financially enslaved by the other 1% of lucky mankind (the tiny majority) through a globalist led “One World Government.” The "Grove" clearly represents the simple fact that 1% of the human race is much smarter than the remaining 99%. In this regard neither Uncyclopedia nor envious reality theorist Alex Jones are trying to insinuate anything, but, heads up! It's coming. Very soon. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
- ... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
- ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
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In the news
George Robert "Bob" Newhart 1929–2024
On this day...
July 24: Pioneer Day (Utah), Polygamy Week Begins (Also Utah)
- 1132 – Battle of Nocera between Ranulf II of Alife and Roger II of Sicily takes place in Italy. Ranulf's fettucine narrowly bests Roger's linguine, and Italy adopts fettucine as the National Stereotypical Food.
- 1487 – Citizens of Leeuwarden, Netherlands, unsatisfied with watered-down domestics, rebel against a ban on foreign beer.
- 1947 – Brigham Young and all his merry wives arrive in Utah to establish Mormonism, and in doing so guarantee that even the ugliest son of a bitch (pictured) can have multiple mates.
- 1983 – Hacker Richard M. Stallman launches the GNU project, an effort to protect the endangered gnu, a buffalo-like animal, from extinction using mainly open-source code.
- 2000 – While on the Presidential campaign trail, George W. Bush reads a helpful guide to living life that helps him on his way to the Oval Office.
- 2008 – The Dark Knight is released, becoming an instant box-office smash hit, and reaching the all-time pinnacle for film.
- 2009 – I like the fact that you're reading the anniversaries right now. I really, really do.
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Today's featured picture
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Recent Articles
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Writer and Noob of the Month
Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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| Complete Bibliography
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| 8/3/2007
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Benjamin Franklinstein – Norelco, you betrayed me! Time for plan B...
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| 7/22/2007
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Norelco (obviously this is a personal favorite now)
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| 7/21/2007
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UnNews:J.K. Rowling reveals title for Harry Potter 8! (been waiting to post this since 2005!)
Not my best, but apparently VFH'd anyway. Kudos to User:Sonic80 for being my one supporter here. Note that that bit about Homer Simpson (and, well, that other thing) was not my idea, but oh well. Oh, and screw you, Michael Gerber.
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| 7/4/2007
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Benjamin Franklinstein
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| 7/4/2007
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Jolt Cola (rewrite)
Includes Image:Benjamin Franklinstein.jpg
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| 7/3/2007
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Norelco – pee review, resubmit (philosophy + shaving? bad combination...)
Also comes with Image:Mona Lisa Razor.jpg and Image:Occam's Razor in Action.jpg, yours free with paid order!
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| 6/26/2007
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The Human Element – waiting for pee review
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| 6/19/2007
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Image:American idols got talent.png. I hate that show.
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| 2/15/2007
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Geocities (I think this is where I put in {{:Me}})
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| 2/10/2007
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National Federation of the Blond (started, but needs a lot more blond jokes)
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| 2/9/2007
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UnNews:National Federation of the Blond: "Dye your hair, you're in danger!"
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| 2/5/2007
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Image:Thyspace.png (for Thyspace)
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| 2/5/2007
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Captain Omnipotent (section: Weaknesses + pic)
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| 1/18/2007
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Jolt Cola
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| 1/16/2007
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UnNews:Scientist experimenting on coffee arrested for blowing up universe
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| 6/3/2006
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Minimalist talk page
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| 6/3/2006
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Deep Note
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| 3/4/2006
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Geocities (really crappy original version)
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| 1/9/2006
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I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle (added line: ships and planes...with chips on plates)
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| 11/30/2005
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Celine Dionide
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| 11/20/2005
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Image:Palpatines guide to facial care.jpg
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| 11/3/2005
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UnPoetia:Norbert Percy Tangleknickers
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Images
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WTF?
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Update
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