User:Shildawg

Evil Genius Incorporated

Many people question the reality of EGI. But to many, there is no question. The fringe organization has been training those who will become cut-throat business men, maniac multi-millionaires and the great and not-so-great leaders of society. The Corporation has always strived to train more clever, more conditioned leaders of tomorrow. They have financed wars, coups, and even a chain of fast food restraunts that feature deliciously fried chicken and homestyle sides. In many people's minds, there is no question to the question of the Evil Genius corporation.

History of the Corporation

The Fathers

Many people date the founding of the organization to 1932, during the height of the Great Depression. A group of formerly wealthy business men, known only as "The Fathers," who were thrown into poverty by some unwise decisions in the stock market, came together to form a secret society that lived off the dark side of humanity. Many people credit some famous mob hits during this time to The Fathers. According to the minute books- that can be found at 270 South Mason St. Wapatucket, Maine- the Corporation had planned a massive takeover of the New York Mob! Unfortunatly, the untimely death of one of the members halted all of this activity. It was the first death in the Coporation.... It's actually rather embarassing.......

He got stuck in a cave and had to eat his own leg to survive. When they found him, it turned out that he was in the basement with the lights off the entire time...

World War II

World War II marked a turning point for EGI. Adolf Hitler was actually a Genius-By-Mail graduate. Hitler was noted in the Corporation for his ruthlesness and genocidal behaviors. The Fathers generally regarded him as their best student yet! Then again, he was their only student so far... Hitler started his training in 1930. According to an eyewitness, Adolf was excited beyond words when he opened his book describing his new responsibilities. He sent the return slip back to the U.S. in less than eight hours! So far, Hitler was the fastest person ever to graduate from EGU- it took him less than five days. As his success raged on, he would deny that he ever took part in anything as "stupid, ignorant, and pointless" than the Genius-By-Mail program.

In a way, WWII was directly caused by the acts of the Evil Genius corporation. Even though the fathers (except the dead one) were all now filthy rich, they had trained the most ruthless military leader in the twentieth century. They realized their mistake and denied any alegation that they took part in the training of Hitler. But word was out! A secret society has caused the ruthless killings and imprisonment of thousands of people not worthy tho be in the German Empire! In a phrase, they were screwed.

Or so they thought! When many other power-hungry hopefuls heard that one organization had helped create Adolf Hitler, they started a marathon race to find out who was in charge of this thing was! The race was held in Montreal on May 3rd, 1944. Owing to the poor condition of the weather, only eighteen people showed up the the race. Among these people was Ivan Aleksandrovich Serov, Sylvester No, and the infamous Happy GoGo, The Funny Birthday Clown! He later killed seven children for eating his cream pie. GoGo really liked his pie.

The Cold War

EGI had a breakthrought during the Cold War. The Corporation took this time of political tension and fear and exploited the hell out of it. EGU was able to turn out an average of 3.67463 students a week! By 1987, the organizers thought they could reap the rewards of the Cold War forever. If they were lucky, they figured they could even make it into a Lukewarm War! Maybe even a full blown nuclear holocaust!!! But... they didn't.

Many of the spies of the Soviet Union and the United States were actually EGU graduates. The university not only teaches how to make the world a better place for you and your sex-slaves, but it also tought more useful, normal courses such as covert training and large arms handeling. A survey taken in '94 shows that 5 out of 7 EGU graduates moved on to work in the CIA. Another survey showed that 9 out of 10 graduates contributed in some way to the Cuban Missile Crisis. Most of these people were American. This survey was quickly dismissed.

EGU

EGU is the Evil Genius University, located somewhere in the Slovakian Alps. We're not exactly sure where, though. We think it hasn't collapsed yet... Possibly...

Classes and Other Similar Things Found in a Typical College

EGU (If it's still there) is just like any other college, except not. It is really a school featuring lessons on how to be the most cut-throat, evil, generally disliked, undiscovered genius. It's basically an art school for losers who can't do... anything... related to art...

The University offers many liberal arts programs of study, inclusing Slovakian, Mandarin, Shakespearian Life and Times, Middle Eastern Politics, Polish Literature, and so on. The school also prides itself on being the only university in the history of mankind EVER to have an Evil Genius program of study. Really. We're super serious.

Evil Genius Courses

"Evil Geniuseses Through the Ages"

Prof: Dr. Henry Zacharias Smith

A brief look at the greatest

men in the Evil Genius Category.

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"Me, Myself, And My Alter Ego"

Prof: Ms. Mary Jane and

SuperLadyOfTheDarkSideOfTheMoon

A contemporary look at the

simple things about having an

alter ego.

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"Super Secret Lairs"

Prof: Sir James Banker, acclaimed

author of Underground Architecture For Dummies

The basics of an Impenertable

Fortress.

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"Evil Genius 101"

Prof: Sylvester No, Jr.

An introductory course for

the aspiring Evil Genius.

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"Secret Agents and How To Deal With Them"

Prof: Dr. Salk Johanson

Pretty self explanitory.

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Campus

The EGU campus is relatively warm compared to the surounding area of where we think it is. Last time we checked, it was in a temperate valley in the south-east part of the Slovakian Alps. The main campus consists of forty two buildings: four administrative offices, six different dorm complexes, two amplitheaters, one gymnasium with an indoor soccer field and ten tennis courts- among other things- six research departments, five lecture hall/classroom buildings, a shooting range, an espionage obstacle course, fourteen sheds, and three small huts which we're not entirely sure what their purpose is. All 42 buildings are connected by beautiful paths and a main road made of pure gold stolen from Fort Knox. And people wonder why the national debt is so high!

Famous Evil Genius University Graduates

EGU has turned out more world leaders than Oxford, Harvard, and the Peoples Rupublic of China combined! Actually, I don't really know how many world leaders that is, but I'm sure EGU has more. These people could be running your country right now!!! But probably not.

Like we said earlier, Adolf Hitler was the first graduate of the EGU and possibly the most evil. After his actions in WWII, the Corporation stopped allowing anyone too evil from graduating. Among these people is Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden. The Fathers generally agreed that they were too evil and too genocidal to even be considered. Unfortunatly, both have had training from EGU. Bin Laden for example, went to the University for two years before he was expelled. Kenneth M. Lay was also expelled for being a bastard.

Most modern world leaders have asked us to keep their training, well, secret. It would be REALLY bad press to have a plaque on your wall reading EGU GRADUATE- 1967 if you were, like, president or something. Actually, George Bush, Sr. is a graduate of EGU. Bush, Jr. of course, proudly states at most state dinners "My daddy- yep, he's an Evil Geniusus." Many people also credit Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to being a Universtiy grad. He actually graduated at top of his class twenty years ago! Most people say this is why the United States is struggling to stop Iran's "nuclear weapons"- Ahmadinejad beat out George, Sr. for the class president, and, well, Bush, Jr. isn't exactly pleased that some camel herder beat his pa!