The Uncyclopedia Call Centre
Welcome to the Uncyclopedia Call Centre. You may have come here by accident, divine will or clumsiness, or perhaps out of sheer desperation in which case you may wish to choose from one of the following options.
- For tea and sympathy, press 1
- For spiritual guidance, press 2
- For dependable and accurate information, press 3
- For a cash loan, press 4
- To complain about something you've seen on Uncyclopedia, press 5
- If you are looking for the washrooms, press 6
- If you are experiencing a medical emergency, press 7
- If you came to Uncyclopedia looking for something useful, press 8
- To unsubscribe and close your Uncyclopedia account, press 9
- To speak with an Uncyclopedia personal advisor about any other matter, please press zero
- To read this list of options again, press the hash key
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 "Thank you for calling the Uncyclopedia Call Centre. All calls are charged at $1.50 per minute, which is being added to your telephone bill as you read this. Please select one of the options shown on the left, or press zero for an opportunity to speak with me or one of my less-attractive colleagues."
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