Continent
“That’s what my Grandpa is!”
In geology, a continent is a vast chunk of rock and dirt which floats on the watery surface of the planets Earth and Neptune, much as a bar of Ivory™ soap floats in a tub full of molten mercury.
Continental drift[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
According to Continental Drift, the vast majority of Earth's continents are anchored firmly to the oceanic floor by immense cast-iron anchors. However, the continent of California has recently lost its moral foundation and is currently drifting to the left at alarming speed. As a result, California is expected to collide with the continent of Japan sometime within the next few million years. The resulting devastation is expected to be minimal, however, because both continents have legally mandated the installation of airbags for all vehicles, escalators, amusement park rides, and individual pedestrians.
Continental drip[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
It is a well established fact that all peninsulas point in a southernly direction. There are two (and only two) competing theories as to why.
- In 4004 BCE the continents were hastily painted onto the Earth's surface.
- Something to do with elections.
Continental breakfast[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
A continental breakfast is a light meal served between 2:00 and 3:00 AM (on most continents) and usually consists of a cup of coffee, an English muffin with artificial lard-flavored spread and raspberry preserves, a fancy Danish pastry, a cheez omelet, several dozen doughnuts, a lightly toasted buffalo on a stick, an industrial-sized vat of unflavored Jell-O™, and one fortune cookie.
Continental Congress[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
In 1703, the Un-united Colonial Outposts of America sent a delegation to Hawaii in order to participate in a representative body calling for a reunification of all continents, to be called Pangaea 2. However, since the Hawaiian Islands had yet to be discovered, none of the invited delegates managed to show up on time and the ambitious plan was put on indefinite hold.
Continental divide[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
All known continents are divided into two main sections: red states and blue states. This type of polarization has been shown to be instrumental in the fragmentation of continents, and is widely blamed for the political dissolution of Pangaea 1-B during the early Mesozoic era.
Apocryphal list of additional (suspected) continents[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
- California
- Japan
- Hawaii
- Cuba
- Puerto Rico
- Oceania
- Austria
- Iceland
- Mars
- Hell
- Hyrule
- Eastasia
- Your mom (she's so fat)
See also[編集 | ソースを編集 ]
Africa • Antarctica • Americas (North America - South America) • Asia (Super Asia - Euthanasia) • Atlantis • Europe • Oceania • Pangaea • Your mom (she's so fat)