Mitt Romney: The Inevitable

Willard Mitt "Danger" Romney is a guy we don't hear about too often, because he's doesn't quote Pokemon movies and doesn't share a name with a reptile. However, he is deeply disliked by many people, including Mitt Romney. Yes, that's right. Romney loathes himself, partly due to the poor job his wife did dying his hair. If Herman Cain is Black Walnut, Romney must be plain vanilla. Seriously. Dang it!

So, yeah, this guy makes Barney look like a Grand Theft Auto thug.

This is probably breaking my contract, since I'm writing something about this, but I can't come up with better material.

"Isn't his hair sooooooooooooooo dreamy"? -- My mother

Saturday chicken musings, laced with anger management videos

The Reptilians are definitely increasing in power and influence.  The Bilderbergers are up to their old dirty tricks again, lacing prime time television with anger management video footage, subliminally implanted by Roberto and his allies in the Illuminati. 

At the gym, Reptilians are the ones buying all the steroids and Human Growth Hormone.  Your supervisor at the glue factory is probably a Reptilian. 

This brings me to chickens.  What's with all the chicken related legislation lately?  Americans, Brits, and many other "democracies" are suddenly afflicted with chickeny fears.  It oozes from their pores, mars the complexion... should we, the proletariat, be afraid?  You remember what Uncle Pete did with 8 chickens last week?  I think we're in trouble.

Roberto? Why do you hate us so?

I am convinced that Karl Rove (pictured, note the glow about him, caused by interference from a Holy Ghost Armor System) is in league with the Devil and Roberto.  The mission, of course, is to irritate ?pedians.  Working on an article that, if I do say so myself, is brilliant, I was halted from uploading a hilarious 'shopped picture to finish it off.

Here he is, pictured in his sinister Mouseketeering attire, expounding on the proliferation of owl pellets on his front porch.  Picture the rotund, ridiculous little man listening to My Morning Jacket because he heard them on Family Guy and thought it would make him look cool.  No, Mr. Rove, you are certainly not cool, nor is there any potential, given the finite time during which the universe is capable of sustaining the existence of such a life form as Karl Rove, for you to be cool.  Give it up, sir.  You have failed.

Post-patriotism Fatigue Disorder

Hung over, not from alcohol but from patriotic zeal abuse, I crawled out of bed this morning, performed initial ablutions, let Frunobulax out of her kennel and gave her a rawhide strip to keep her settled and quiet, made coffee and finally settled down with a fine cup of Chock Full 'O Nuts and a Winston cigarette to watch Adam Hochschild talk about The Great War. He pointed out that World War I was the last time the sons of aristocracy and the rich and powerful were sent off to war to fight and die in the front lines. Eeble, Sonk.

So, today's question is, "Why do we fight wars?" The short answer is that our brains haven't caught up the turbocharger we put on evolution, called by some, intelligence. I'm talking about a particular type, of course. You know what I mean.

So, we're mostly pretty stupid, "monkeys with car keys" according to Woody Allen. Being on the dole, I have plenty of time to think about this kind of thing. I realize it's an excercise in futility, but it helps when my pain medications aren't working.

Roberto returns, places blame on Conservarals

Illogicopedia continues to be plagued by strange DPL errors that can only be attributed to Roberto and that strange Guru Meditation bloke. But guess what? Apathy wins out, so nobody gives a monkey's unripe banana.

Big Rob (not to be confused with Huge Bob) has issued a statement shifting blame to the current government of the United Kingdom, claiming the loss of his latest job (goat herding in rural Cheshire) led him to even more nefarious acts akin to the sniping of the Hindenberg. And don't try and tell me that never happened, because it did. I saw it with my own three eyes and blood-tinted spectacles.

Yes, we've all been affected by the cuts, even the higher-ups here at Illogicopedia. Rumour has it that Silent Penguin has took to the streets with his didgeridoo in an attempt to fund the domain expenses.

Guru Meditation, on the other hand, continues to flourish in his role as official Wikipedia helpline operator at the Mumbai WikiCall Centre.

Why the heck do I want to talk to someone in another country about when the next bus is gonna arrive? -- Admins on Guru Meditation

Stupid politics. I'm going to watch Have I Got News for You before I consider voting again.

Camel evolves long enough neck to give itself obcene oral pleasure

That's right kids! This is no longer a rated PG blog.

We're putting the banana back into Illogicopedia! And in the most graphic porn-involving way possible >;-)

Actually we're not. Since everyone stopped editing recently there's been no point starting an ethics fueled debate on decency. Not even on the blog. And that's really, how you can tell things are bad, because blogs are ghaye!



....Hindleyite.

So basically get back on the site and start editing and stuff, I'll try and keep things going and write articles and stuff, but without your input .. I'll probably just get bored and switch over onto another tab more in line with my other worldy inter-cests.

Yes, I should. So edit dammit!

Sir Reginald Wincest, signing out..

Newsflash: Conservapedia officially hates Illogicopedia

...or at least they hate 'liberal' parodists such as I.

It seems humour will not be tolerated amongst the hallowed pages of Schlaflypedia, which has introduced measures to clamp down laughing and the causes of it. All kind of ironic, don't you think, for a wiki that prides itself on its right wing bias? Ahh, irony - a word not to be found within the Conservapedia dictionary.

Should I have actually given a monkeys, I would be bemoaning this great injustice to the high hills of Conservative HQ and banging down David Cameron's door. However, I shall draw a veil over the incident as I do not wish to harm Conserva-Illogico relations... ah, who am I kidding. Nobody gives a carp.

Don't muck with Conservo. You will be sorry, you left wing, working class twerp.