UPDATE: We're moving. Changing servers. Really. We mean it this time.

This just in from our dedicated personnel at the Illogicopedia Relocation Committee (IRC), when asked for an update on our move:

[#illogiocopedia and that story of Rasputin's penis having a wart on it
perfectly positioned to make women wet.] 

[16:31] == NotTheBard [whoop-dee-d00@gateway/web/freenode/ip.68.71.52.214]
has joined #Illogicopedia 
[16:31] -ChanServ- [#Illogicopedia] Welcome to the official IRC channel of 
http://illogicopedia.org/
- also check out our blog http://blog.illogicopedia.org/ 
- vauge undefined channel rules: play nice with the other kids and we won't
have to electrocute you by sending lightning through the Internet to blow up
your computer because you KNOW we can do it and we will too.

 <NotTheBard> So... the move. Is it happening? Soon? Ever?
 <csr> Yes, Illogicopedia is moving. Of course it's true!  Why would we
 stay?
 <csr> There's absolutely no reason to.  
 <csr> Carl replied to our emails and everything, so we can't blame him
 anymore. 
 <csr> This is it. We're going. Period.
 <NotTheBard> lol
 <csr> Go ahead and laugh. It just proves you don't understand us.  
 <csr> Illogicopedia isn't supposed to be funny, not even by accident.
 <csr> But get this straight: we are moving.
 <NotTheBard> ok
 <csr> It'll happen. We're almost at the end of the month. 
 <csr> Rent on the new place is due in a couple of days, and we fully
 intend to move in.
 <NotTheBard> OK OK. I believe you.
 <csr> There's no looking back now. No hesistation, no cancellation,
 no excuses.
 <NotTheBard> OK!  Good. Happy. Pleased. Excited.
 <csr> Just you wait.

[16:33] == NotTheBard [whoop-dee-d00@gateway/web/freenode/ip.68.71.52.214]
has left #Illogicopedia 

Sounds legit, although as of now ?pedia is still hosted in beautiful, natural Canada on Carat Networks Inc.  I guess we'll know if we're really moving in a couple of days...

Or not.

Illogicopedia's new host? Uncyclopedia.co.

If there's an advantage to having your own Foundation, it's being the first to hear of backchannel developments.  While I've yet to convince anyone to openly join me in writing any satirical commentary on the IF HQ (apparently it's unusual to use your soapbox to say unflattering things about your own stable),  I've been fortunate enough to receive story suggestions and tips, such as the following.

The fallout of the wikiwide unrest that led to Uncyclopedia splitting away from their Wikia overlords has led to a partnership of sorts.  Not a unification or merging of the two projects, certainly—their mandates continue to remain separate and distinct but apparently the two sides aren't so far divided as to refuse to share server space on the same webhost...

[Read more]

Thoughts of the Decade (07 February 2013)

*Snores*

Oh, huh, wha? *Snorts*

What, why'd you wake me up there? I was quite happily enjoying an eight-month-long snooze and you just had to wake me up for no reason!

Wait, Illogicopedia may be moving servers, you say? Well why didn't you tell me?! Get the Thermos and sandwiches, Jeeveston, for it is time to go bogtrotting! Now where's me wellies?

*Adjusts tie, clears throat*

So how the devil have you all been? I've, erm, been off fighting that Roberto fella for the best part of a year but now I'm back, for the time being at least. Hey, I owe it you guys to help out, don't I? I'll find the keys to my Ford Transit after this post, so get your stuff together. Can only fit a few things in though, got a license for vehicles up to 25kg - more than a couple of portable tellies will take it over the limit.

Nope, your pinball table is too big. I can smash it up a bit to squeeze in for you, however.

Great to see Uncyclopedia going independent again, if only to witness the drama that ensues when the old, Wikia Uncyc is run in direct competition to the fresh fork. Mmm, fresh fork... want anything from the chippy while I'm going?

Yes, you can tell from the way I keep drifting off-topic that I am a bit out of practice. Thankfully, Illogico has allowed me to play keyboards for this tour on a session musician's wage - that's two cigarettes and half a Toffee Crisp, by the way. Magic!

Word of the week: Glomp
Obscure Pacific country of the week: Tuvalu
Old crisp of the week: Thingies (tomato flavour)

Not in defense of Roberto

Once again we repeat our recursive redoublings,
quickly quashing an itch or a fervor to do violence to something like Roberto. Pig's lilly festoonery would be easier to find in a public library than a serving server for Illogicopedia's nefarious purpose. A brittle mooch would be the day when you see fit to fling the pea skyward, and we all know that gravity exerts it's inexcrementable influence, on pod and pea alike.

This brings us to what I imagine Roberto to look like, in the flesh, so to speak. This debauched wreckage of technical malfeasance only serves not to serve. Were the inscrutable Non-existent Man to be summoned to the scene of the crime, would he not not show up? Such is the wrinkled case for Roberto, and this is why he needs to be replaced.

Roberto 2012

Please, for the sake of the children, help stop Roberto.

Analysis of the Illogicopedia 404 page:

"Sorry! This site is experiencing technical difficulties"

- This feeble apology attempts to make out that it is 'on your side' by insisting that Roberto is genuinely sorry for expelling the website from the web.

"Try waiting a few minutes and reloading."

- As the website is usually down for days at a time, rather than minutes, this is a scheming plan to waste your precious time - as in the meantime, Roberto destroys everything that is important to you. Indeed, while you are sat there refreshing the page like a fool, evil is at work.

"(Can't contact the database server: Unknown error (roberto))"

- This shows that Roberto has hijacked our servers, and is cutting off all contacts to the outside world. We must coax him out of our database by whatever means possible.

"You can try searching via Google in the meantime.
Note that their indexes of our content may be out of date."

- By telling you to search Google for pages that are quite clearly offline, Roberto is yet again wasting your time for nefarious means. He also tries to affiliate with us again, describing all the pages we have spent so much effort on as 'ours'.

But Roberto is not one of us. He is satan in wiki-form.

Bcbkye and Roberto on Finnish teletext

Greetings, Yack-readers. I'm currently taking an(other) extended break from Illogicopedia, but simply had to drop in for five minutes and tell you about this.

When I heard about the International Teletext Art Festival, I started to create some test pieces, you know, just to see if I could still physically do it. I grabbed a bunch of pics from my hard drive to convert to the teletext format, and naturally a bunch of them are Illogicopedia-related. Anyway, some of these experiments turned out quite well, so well, in fact, that I decided to actually submit them.

And that's the tale of how the Illogicopedia forum banana, Roberto and Bcbkye ended up on YLE Teksti-TV.

Here's the demented clown himself. Warning: not for the faint of heart!

This is Roberto, figuring out how to best destroy the Teletext servers.

And this is a semi-tribute to that one album cover. 

Well not really, but it looks pretty cool anyway.

All sources have been attributed (by which I mean I gave Huge Bob and Silent Penguin credit for some of the artwork). If you're interested, the index of my stuff is here, and is viewable alongside the other fantastic entries until 8 April.

Roberto plots against us!

Francis E. Dec can't get a proper treatment on Illogicopedia, just because Roberto is feeling down. I am so tired of this chemically-dependent culture of slack-jawed miscreants, hovering over us like wafting teargas, admiring our descent into driveling waifliness.

Now Roberto can be disingenuous at times, even unfocused in his affections. That's why we had to go to Mexico to purchase mercury-based medicines with which to treat the bandito. Dr.Jesus was obliging, friendly and efficient in his accommodation of our request, and even threw in 2 free resurrections for Sancho and I.

It's times like these that I am glad to be a land-stander.

2011: A Retrospective -- Part One

Despite what certain Illogicopedian old-timers might tell you, 2011 has definitely (or as many illiterates will have believe, 'defiantly') been the best and most interesting so far. Well, if you count finding a can of still in date meatballs previously lost at the back of a cupboard interesting, you'll no doubt love this retrospective. Maybe. Whatever the case, let's get this thing (t?)rollin' so we can all enjoy the rest of our Christmas holidays.

A small revival of the Illogicopedia Podcast, courtesy your old friend Nerd42, ushered in Jeremy 2011. It was five times better than the previous edition and got the year off to a cracking start with some suitably nonsensical article readings and a wet T-shirt contest. Dangit, we shoulda made that one a vidcast... Anyhow, more Illogicast goodness would follow in June, making 2011 the year in which most episodes have been produced to date.

Speaking of multimedia ventures, 2011 also saw the first feature-length movie based on an Illogicopedia article. The colourful life of Wallace Intrube hit the small screen in the early part of the year in The Intrube Dynasty, a 40-minute epic based on the mass literature found on Illogicopedia. The article itself would later receive recognition as an Illogicopedia featured article on 7 August, a deserved accolade for one of the site's most notable series, and a sure-fire way to protect the site from Austrian Mafia attacks.

Though February was a relatively quiet month (leading to such intellectual forum topics as this), the battle for Illogicopedian of the Month was hotting up. Mr Berty edged out the ever-popular Athyria and Nerd, who would have to wait a little while longer for his moment in the spotlight. Well he didn't actually win it at all in 2011, but hey, with a new year comes new opportunities. That is, if we aren't all dead before the best part of 2012 is over. If it's any consolation, Nerd, you did create the site, which places you on a par with Illogia and other such Illogicopedian gods.

But all was not well in the wiki world. Just when you thought the humour wiki had had its day... Encyclopedia Dramatica went and closed down. Yes, the guys behind the popular meme-bashin', Uncyclo-trollin' Roberto collaborators went and transformed the place into a semi-humorous Know Your Meme-esque 'research' blog, much to the chagrin of thousands, nay, millions. ED rose from the ashes shortly after, with an unauthorised fork appearing somewhere round about the Internet's buttcrack, but it was a huge PR blow for wiki-dom. Well never mind, it was all worth it in the end for we received the quite aptly named (though less so these days) ex-Dramatican Another n00b, who went on to win IOTM for April.

Off the back of a bit more Illogicopedia downtime (prompting brief rants on the hosting situation once more), it was discovered that Roberto had enlisted the help of his extended family to bring down not only Illogico, but half the wikisphere as well. Roberta, Bert and Robbie conspired to ensure a fallow period just when you thought Illogicopedia was on the up again. Still, at least the online chatbots were around to offer some consolation and cheap material for the Illlogiblog.

With our spring holidays suitably ruined, we all skulked off to a dark corner of the web. As Illogicopedians found solace in good old Uncle Pete, they clubbed together to ensure the newly-written article on Illogicopedia was promoted to featured status. One could say it's a victory for Illogicopedian sensibilities, but since the vast majority of people who voted for it were ?pedians themselves, I suggest ballot-rigging. Don't ya just love democracy? The next step is, of course, persuading Wikipedia to do the same, though they won't even let us create the article. Blasted notability guidelines! Oh well, maybe next year, eh?

Illogicopedia at 5: Eight Great Illogicopedian Feuds

Picking fights is supposed to be discouraged at Illogicopedia, but for one reason or another we all seem to love the associated drama. I'm not suggesting we change the site's name to flamefestopedia.com (we don't have the money for a start) but in its five year history, Illogicopedia has had more than its fair share of Richard Heads. Oh sorry, we're talking about feuds aren't we? Sorry about that, but it wouldn't be an Illogiblog post if I stayed on subject for more than a paragraph, would it?

1. Subbuteo vs. Super Japan. A war of words between Illogicopedia's greatest international superpowers, the Subbuteo-SuperJapanese conflict dominated the early years of the wiki. On the one side, the home of every superhero ever to exist. On the other, a nation of crazies whose greatest passion is roasted grilled marinaded bay leaves with sushi. A recipe for trouble, you would assume, but this particular battle fizzled out quicker than a particularly bad Korean firework. Though no peace treaty was drawn, apathy took over and the combatants went home for coffee and biscuits before a single physical blow was dealt.

2. Silent Penguin vs. Flameviper. Illogicopedia's single greatest exponent of vanity --oh sorry, I meant conflicts of interest-- was a source of much early Illogicopedian 'drama'. Perhaps the most memorable moment of this feud was a YouTube video featuring said serpent mocking Silent Penguin (amongst others) in a cod-British accent. The resultant 'Soylent Penguin?' comments could easily have been Illogimeme fodder, had the site cared for such things, but users were more engaged in post whoring on the ?pedia Proboards forum.

3. Illogicopedia vs. Uncyclopedia. Illogicopedia readily accepts its position as an Uncyclo 'spin off', but many at good old Uncle Pete regard the Nonsensical Encyclopedia as a childish experiment in monkey cheese and banana fish. This has, unsurprisingly, led to the odd Uncyclopedian crusade to destroy Illogico. None have been even moderately successful, though there was that time Silent Penguin's had his haddock stolen by drunks from the Departure of Fun. Oh, what a jolly jape that was!

4. Illogicopedia vs. Wikia. As long as Illogicopedia has existed, its users have had gripes with its host. The site first set up camp at Editthis, ran on a server in some guy's shed, which was highly prone to leaking rainwater-related downtime. When Illogicopedia persuaded wikihost big boys Wikia to take them under its wing, many rejoiced.

But time proved Wikimedia's newest bessie mate wasn't necessarily all it was cracked up to be. Cue bickering and complaining, which escalated into full-on rage when Wikia introduced forced skin changes in 2008. Illogico bid farewell to their host of more than a year, but not before a series of angry, unprintable exchanges with bigwigs as resolution talks completely disintegrated. Illogicopedia would have to leave, and in November found a new host in the form of Carlb, who to this day continues to provide Illogicopedia with a warm, welcoming home.

5. Illogicopedia vs. Avril Troll. A curious case, this. Avril Troll began his ?pedia career as a vandal expressing his extreme love for a certain Canadian songstress (no, not Alanis Morissette, you muppet) in no uncertain terms. In a moment of wiki-Stockholm Syndrome, however, he vowed to do good and join the ranks of Illogicopedia as a full paid-up member of the establishment... and then promptly went back to his old ways, terrorising the site like never before. Are we dumbos or what? In his time as a do-gooder, his best work was probably The Terminator, but a great many of his non-vandalistic contributions were actually top notch.

6. Athyria vs. Noob. During 2011, Poor Athyria had the unenviable task of mopping up the sticky mess left by countless spammers on their salt-fuelled rampages through the streets (and fridges) of Illogiland. What she didn't bargain for was Illogicopedia's latest noob, the aptly named Another n00b, Jumbly's newest arrival. In a protracted war, Athyria blocked n00b seven times for a variety of reasons including Arson, Fraud and littering. Though n00b is a largely reformed character, one senses this battle might spill over into 2012, so watch this space. Or Illogicopedia, whatever.

7. Illogicopedia vs. Roberto. Every Illogicopedian has, at one time or another, suffered at the hands of the evil Roberto. Nope, not that bloke off Fresh Prince of Bel Air --I think that was Alfonso Ribeiro-- but some unemployed hick from Texas with nothing better to do than vandalise a small-time, "backwater wiki only regulars care about" (Athyria). In his reign of terror, the faceless vandal everybody loves to hate has been responsible for 96% of all downtime since June 2008, and even brought Uncyclopedia and Wikipedia to their knees in the Great Wiki Crash of March 2010. As punishment, he was made to eat his own beard, but that didn't stop him - nothing can. Except perhaps... health food? Hand me my trusty banana...

8. The Member Coalition vs. Good Taste. 'Membergate': One man's own attempt to extol the merits of toilet humour, Cockbeast (named after a chicken, of course), ignited a huge debate over Illogicopedian taste standards in early 2010. Thankfully, this period of bickering didn't last too long, and served the important purpose of injecting activity into the wiki once more. If one looks closely enough, one can still see faint remnants of what was a short but intense altercation that truly split opinions.

Read more about some of these subjects in this Illogicopedia article on the subject of, erm, Illogicopedia.

Don't tell me what to do!

Login error
There seems to be a problem with your login session; this action has been canceled as a precaution against session hijacking. Please hit "back" and reload the page you came from, then try again.

I imagine some of our readers watch Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network, once in a while. It's a collection of "adult" cartoons played between the hours of 10:00pm and 6:00am Eastern Standard Time, catering to a variety of unusual personalities.

Anyway, there's this bump, a little clip that usually is placed between the end of a commercial and the beginning of a show, that has the world's most awful "musicians" ever, doing this song. I've clipped their song's refrain to use as title for this post, since I am getting sick of Illogicopedia telling me what to do.

A warning to Roberto: I've been training with Lance Armstrong.

Roberto has attacked our servers... again. (yawn)

It's that time of year again: the time when the good old hacker Roberto (or Roberta, or Oscar, or whatever the fnurdle he is called) goes out of his way to hack our servers. But this time, he's left more of a mark. Not a permanent scar, I hope, but definitely a mark.

As some of you may have noticed (No shit, Sherlock) the buttons on the top that usually say "Insane page," "Babbling," "Go insane," and "Past frenzies" have been changed to plain old boring "Page," "Discussion," "Edit," and "History." And nothing was spared, either. When I went to petaQ'a'pedia, the tab that usually says "ghItlh" now has been changed to the namespace "tlh." AAAAAAAAA!

So I wondered how Roberto has been taking care of himself financially. I looked it up online, and guess what? He's mentioned in a song.

I'm sure you've all heard of Lady Gaga. But did you know that, for some obscure reason, she mentions Roberto in her song "Alejandro"? Listen to the verses:

Don't call my name, don't call my name, Alejandro
I'm not your babe, I'm not your babe, Roberto

Don't you think that's kind of bizarre? Why would she say Roberto specifically?

Oh yeah, she also mentions cilantro.

Don't bother me, don't bother me, cilantro.

Eh...

A personal note to Roberto

Oh, you're leading us a merry chase indeed,  Roberto!  We've caught on to your trick, leaving false tracks with your cute little "kitty geta".  Know this, arch-foe... Illogicopedia Special Forces, among them myself, The Bard, a certain Yak, Carl from next door and something over 41 Nerds are in hot pursuit.

And when we catch you, boy, you'll only wish we'd waterboard you.  Among our band is a specialist in 88 types of urethra-based tortures.  Oh, we have plans for you, Roberto.  Be very afraid.



Unless... you let me upload pictures again.

Roberto? Why do you hate us so?

I am convinced that Karl Rove (pictured, note the glow about him, caused by interference from a Holy Ghost Armor System) is in league with the Devil and Roberto.  The mission, of course, is to irritate ?pedians.  Working on an article that, if I do say so myself, is brilliant, I was halted from uploading a hilarious 'shopped picture to finish it off.

Here he is, pictured in his sinister Mouseketeering attire, expounding on the proliferation of owl pellets on his front porch.  Picture the rotund, ridiculous little man listening to My Morning Jacket because he heard them on Family Guy and thought it would make him look cool.  No, Mr. Rove, you are certainly not cool, nor is there any potential, given the finite time during which the universe is capable of sustaining the existence of such a life form as Karl Rove, for you to be cool.  Give it up, sir.  You have failed.

One man's vanity is another man's puppy-wuppy

So, I've made another blog with loose ties to this here one, being as that it's all illogical too. Taking full advantage of the Illogicopedia's "you can even write about your dog" informal policy, my dog Frunobulax has begun her own venture into the blogosphere called Frunobublog. Ostensibly based on her quest for access to higher spiritual planes, the thrust of her nefarious writings are directed towards doing her best to be "Daddy's baby girl". She loves to be called that.

As I observe, Frunobulax is licking Auntie Carol's coffee cup. Apparently Nutrasweet is as good as sugar to her. In this picture she is performing an obscure Bon Po ritual to invoke a mountain demon named Fred. We're going to entice him with licorice, capture him and place him in a demon containment device and pay a visit to the Catholic church across the street. I so owe the Catholic church.

And Roberto strikes again! Just last night I started to write Monster Bunny. This morning, having been a kind and dutiful husband and doggie daddy, I "took care of business" around the house, performing morning rituals solo, in order to let Sister Zim_ulatrix sleep a bit late. She hasn't been feeling well lately, so I've been cutting her some slack. I've even given her a reprieve from the electric cage.

SPOILER ALERT!!

Monster Bunny is an article about a toy that belonged to Evelyn The Modified Dog. Or is it?

Roberto the evil Monster Bunny

Egads! Roberto has aligned himself with the ultimate evil force... Monster Bunnies!

His first official act was to censure a recent article on Illogicopedia, How To Mess With An AI Bot's Mind by applying his Cheese Grater of Doom (pictured left) to server roberta in a most undiginified manner. All illusions that Roberto might be a gentleman have been exploded, like cats shot from 155mm howitzer cannons. Even Puerto Ricans are afraid of him.

Bringing his signature submarine sandwich and large fries along for effect, the cutlery-wielding cyber-psychopathic demon, scourge of Medieval Christendom Roberto, showed up this morning at the lobby of Illogia world headquarters demanding equal coverage by some girl with a blue skullcap and snails stapled to her earlobes.

Watch out for Monster Bunnies: The Article, opening next week at an illogical wiki near you.

Doctor Who saves Illogicopedia

Roberto, famed demon of the underwiki, has apparently been bested by all-time coolest dude Doctor Who. Yeah, the guy from BBC. I know, I said the same thing! it's an embarrassment, for sure. We Illogipedians came home from work and play today to find these service tags on our front doors.

Luckily, we avoided extermination by not being at home. This clue, however, brings us to the embarrassing part... we were saved by that cosmic weirdo Doctor Who, and now we're all looking a bit silly.

Illogicopedia lives!

From the main page at Illogicopedia, approximately three million nanoseconds ago...

Before anyone pisses their pants that ?pedia is back from a coma, please put diapers on, because it's more like a stroke.

Here comes the boring factual part.

As some of you may well be aware, the site is working, but with a reduced feature set. That nasty Roberto error appears whenever you view a page with an embedded image. Since most pages contain images, most of the site is inaccessible.

Temporary measures

1. Visit the edit page for your signature (most likely located at en.illogicopedia.org/index.php?title=User:/sig&action=edit) and revise it so that it does not contain images. This means when you put your signature on a forum page, you won't bin the forum page. Anyone commenting using an image will be given a warning, and then banned if they persist.
2. Do not comment out images unless the page is very frequently used, such as talk pages. By commenting out images, since otherwise the site will be littered with commented out images when image functionality is restored, impairing the site more permanently, and we sure as hell know you won't be arsed to fix it again.
3. Continue to use ?pedia freely as per site policy.
4. Scream in anger whenever you visit a page that contains an image.
5. Cry yourself to sleep at night. It's how all good artists operate.
6. Usher in a renaissance where you rely solely on your literary prowess.

Roberta has roundworm

Illogicopedians and the infamous Roberto have once again become entangled in quantum mortal combat. Consequently, fans of illogic have been denied access to the world's foremost source of drivel. This will not do. In fact, it's caused some of us to start depositing more dreck here to offset the great cosmic imbalance created by the nefarious vaguely-Hispanic sounding-named villain we have all come to dread.

Particularly affected by this state of affairs are Uncyclopedian refugees, miscreants who, for some reason or other, have become disillusioned by Uncle Pete and his reign of terriers, or alternately, have been banned for life from the lamp of Sophia's countenance. We delusional wanderers of teh internets, harbingers of cacophonic hirsuteness, are somewhat distressed. Most of us have never experienced such an outage, lasting about a week now. Is it possible that Roberto and Uncle Pete have formed a temporary alliance? We may be witnessing a page from The Art of War here. The enemy of my enema is my enema bag?

Illogicopedia: Writing for the Banana since 2007

It seems our friend Roberto is once again wreaking havoc upon our favourite nonsense wiki, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to speak seriously for a moment. Euthanasia. There, that was serious enough. With that out of the way, here's a ramble on the state of the wiki.

I was pottering about on Uncyclopedia the other day, which got me thinking. I wondered how much Uncle Pete differs from Illogicopedia in its fourth year of existence. It soon occurred to me that this would have only been a couple of years ago, since Uncyc is 24 months older than Illogico. Surprising to think, really.

In some ways, we've learned from Uncyclopedia's mistakes. We've shamelessly half-inched ideas for projects etc. whilst always maintaining a sense of individuality - Illogicopedia may seem quite similar, but in reality it's a hugely different prospect altogether. For starters, there isn't the problem of deletion-hungry admins that used to prowl Uncyc in its early days (not naming any names). There isn't the backing of a multi-million dollar charitable organisation or its associated wiki farm (and thank goodness for that).

Whilst I'd welcome any interest from large organisations and we would most likely accept should the right backing emerge, it isn't that big of an issue if it doesn't. Illogicopedia is about the content, and always will be. It's proudly small-time, a community of creative types that like to mess around with writing styles without fear of recrimination.

Illogicopedia is still going places. There's another Pickle contest around the corner, and with a steady stream of new users trickling into the fray, we may be set for an exciting one. Enter, and take part in a landmark event in the history of Illogicopedia.