Spambots Rule Illogiblog in 2019

A new year, a new trash can full of burning spam on the Illogiblog. Fans of salty meat substitute will be pleased to hear that in 2019, we still get at least forty of these tasty treats every week.

Not even the porky pong of their smouldering comrades can stop the spammers' barrage of artificially generated pseudo-conversation. Mr Takeshi, bring on the next batch of brave moronic contenders forlornly hoping to survive the bonfire.

Thank you, the article is very petrifying, hopefully it can be useful for everyone. -- Yesi Nurazizah

The Illogiblog is 'petrifying'? Finally, a spambot with a nose for nonsense. You are the very first of your kind to dispense with the flowery greetings and offer us the blatant, troubling truth. You win... my underpants.

Utility kilt is comfortable and easy to wear.you can read this post. it is a good informative post on yours -- Tactical Kilt

This 'guy' keeps leaving promos for his 'tactical' kilt store. He's so desperate that he wrote some code to circumvent Blogger's bot filter. Please buy his items or he mightn't be able to buy machine oil and bolts for his leaking metal groin. Thank you.

Cannot contact reCAPTCHA. Check your connection and try again -- 龙大猫ねこ

Meanwhile, the above dude circumvented our CAPTCHA just to say that. What a waste, I wanted to hear about Libyan Rolexes and Nike handbags for the 1,000th time!

The coldest places are not the Arctic that is where the person does not have. Xbox -- Simuka Rafeal

A tricky riddle to solve, but I think he's trying to say that Norway sucks. And it comes to something when you can't sell XBOXes to Scandinavia.

monkey kate spade outlet online nike lunarglide coach factory -- Dong Dong23

I think I understand how these messages work now! The bots have realised that we are keeping the silliest ones for their sheer comedy value, and have started competing for the title of 'stupidest comment'. Any humans reading this have no chance of winning, so you'd better just forget those dreams of becoming a famous Internet writer.

Quickies

• "Thanks for sharing Ishqbaaz" -- Singh. (This perfectionist deleted his post and reposted it after spotting his spelling errors. Better watch out, these bots are becoming more intelligent.)
•  "My brother recommended I might like this website. He used to be entirely right" -- Taufik Setiawan. (That's right - he *used* to be, until Illogiblog stopped posting in 2016.) 
• "Click here Click here Click here Click here" -- Neeti Kumar. (I clicked but did not receive a free holiday to my house. I requested my click back.) 

Cheers, guys! All 2,000 spam messages from the period 2016-2018 have been deleted. To help prevent future spam, all new comments on posts older than 90 days will now be manually moderated.

Until our next dumpster fire, enjoy your hampork-hybrid lunchmeats. Chow and indeed ciao.

The 30,000 spammers

I can only delete 100 spam comments at a time? Oh dear, looks like I'm gonna have to book a decade off work...

Fetch the extra large bag of Monster Munch!

Hasta la vista, baby

Howdy, stranger! Read from bottom for full effect.

Illogiblog bumper summer spam crop

It is my considered opinion that we should henceforth cease editing Illogicopedia and leave generation of content to the Spambots. These days, they're among the most randumb, gibbering and downright silly creatures contributing to the project, a pleasant reminder of the kind of content we were churning out in years past. Makes you wonder if the likes of Quagsire and Zerotrousers have returned to their illogical routes and become spam machine programmers. Don't believe me? Then check these out.

"T was a specimen of what she had to expect.
But miss pecksniff really had fainted away.
Rs todgers! Said charity, jinkins! I am afraid there must be some." -- sligillatiaky

How wonderful, a profound piece of poetic prose if ever I saw one. Apart from the bit about Rs todgers, which kind of spoils things with risqué double-entendre. Hmm, maybe I expect too much from what is essentially a series of 1s and 0s arranged in semi-intelligent fashion.

"Damned cooperative, I determination definately be returning because i set out on my consequent after task." -- wholesale Hawks jerseys

Yeah, those blasted cooperative people! I hate them, with their jovial nature and ability to remain sensible in the most irrational of situations. Nice alliteration there, Hawky, but you need to consult your bot dictionary a few more times. After which time, return for yet more punishment.

"You have made a very nice blog. Your texts is extremely good content. It would be super with a widget like Facebook like bottom." -- Dolasetsgog

High praise indeed from the mighty Dolasetsgog, there, and an opinion on Facebook with which most would agree. Wait, was that last word supposed to read 'button'? Who knows.

"Wow! This site looks exactly like my old one! It’s on a entirely different topic but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Excellent choice of colors!" -- IrrambCoork

If you are accusing me of pinching your old design scheme, you are very much mistaken, sir. I mean, what do robots know about web design? If the internet were built by spambots like you, I daresay we'd all have gone back to teletext by now.

"41. Wonderful work! This is the type of info that should be shared around the web. Shame on Google for not positioning this post higher! Come on over and visit my site. Thanks =)" -- cigarettes buy online

So, trying butter me up, are you? Well, it isn't gonna work, because I'm afraid I don't smoke. Though I agree with you on the Google thing, I feel you just made that up to persuade me to purchase your ill-gotten goods. 4,951.

Quickies

• "Where exactly is the facebook like link?" -- Edwardo (It's here)
• "Hi there, I ethically like reading your posts, offer you!" -- buy swarovski (Cheers, it isn't often Illogiblog is described as 'ethical'.)
• "k4q2cy5mwljb" -- Vernice Goltra (...the piggie is in the pokey. I repeat: the piggie is in the pokey...)
• "Do you offer new bloggers the chance to write on your blog? I would love to be a contributing author." -- Hinger games trailer (Yes, we do accept new editors, but you simply aren't random enough for the Illogiblog. Please don't ask again.)

I'll close this post with a quite apt comment from How to Unlock IPhones (what kind of a name is that, anyway?).

"Thanks for another excellent post. Keep rocking."

Letters to the Editor: Spambots Edition

Thanks to a recent upsurge in site activity, the Illogicopedia inbox has been overflowing with messages of praise, criticism and the promise of free prescription drugs for low, low prices. Nah, only joking - we'd be lucky to get one email a month.

But the Illogiblog's comments queue is literally filled with walls of text from the processors of spambots eager to peddle their Russian dating sites scribbled in semi-Engrish nonsense that wouldn't look out of place on the pages of Illogicopedia. To that end, here's a selection of the latest waste products fresh from the Illogiblog spambox.

Someone essentially help to make seriously articles I would state. This is the first time I frequented your web page and thus far? I amazed with the research you made to make this particular publish incredible. Fantastic job! -- Free Porn Videos

Always nice to be praised by a (fellow?) pornographer. At this rate, it looks as though we'll be a firm favourite from Hugh Hefner's bookmarks list before too long. Playboy, here we come baby!

Greetings We are very happy I discovered your site My partner and I actually discovered you through mistake, while I was searching upon Askjeeve regarding something else entirely, -- Flash websites

Whilst I am pleased by your enthusiasm for the Illogiblog, I wonder where you learned your punctuation. Was it the School of Placing Random Commas Wherever it Looks Nice? Or perhaps the Institute of Full Stop Loathers? Anyway, I shall pass your message to Askjeeve, whoever the eeble sonk he is.

It really is difficult to get informed persons for this matter, but you sound like you doubt know exactly what you are speaking about! With thanks -- Vernon

Aha, I see your usage of the Cloak of Doubt there, and as such I am not fooled by your excessive butteriness. Incidentally, you'll have a hard tasking finding persons more informed on the subject of sheer nonsense, so don't even try or we shall dispatch Bcbkye to place a pox upon your servers.

My partner and i knew I was appropriate. My buddy and My spouse and i placed a bet in relation to which web site was superior. I imagined your web site was superior created, but the lady believed this kind of post upon trendy design ideas was far better. We rounded up 5 family members memebers who had not seen often website prior to to study them each more than. Majority chose your internet site. Thanks regarding maintaing an incredible site. -- How to get rid of cellulite

This one was just creepy. To round up three family members is foolish; to round up five is tantamount to creative suicide, especially where Illogicopedia is concerned. On that rather disturbing note, I shall leave you for now.

Illogiblog 372nd Post Spectacular: More stupid spam

Hey, man. Why write blog posts when the spammers can do it for you? Well, I'm sure I'll live to regret that statement, but it seemed like a fun idea at the time, so here goes...

I want to demand how yearn a day do surf an internet a day? And what are you doing?

More to the point, what are you doing? Evidently not reading dictionaries. I may be wasting my time, but at least I'm aware of it, fool!

I come from itlay, i was fortunate to seek your website... thanks very much i will come every day

Is that a stick of rock in your pocket or are you pleased to see Illogiblog was finally updated, Mr Spammer Man?

Nice, Your will be the bestin the world!! - Lyric HILLARD

Is this Lyric Hillard person real? Well, I did a Google Search and it turns out he is not. A pity, because I think with that name he would have made a great butt surgeon. Hah, you thought I was going to mention hip hop then, didn't you?

I'm thrilled you took the time and said this! (Found on comments for Trees are the evil commie dictators now)

Now, now. There's no need to get sarky just because your blow-up wife threw you out of the garage for the third time this week. I suggest taking a drawing pin to her back when she isn't looking.

Best o't' Rest

Popular on the Illogiblog comments right now; indecipherable Russian text; "Coventry Salubriousness Governing" (whatever that's supposed to be); random mashings of the keyboard interspersed with the words "free porn" every couple of sentences; lots of Microsoft (or 'mcrosfot') related products from, like, five years ago; anything but actual, human comments.

The Neverending Fight Against Stupid and Irrelevant Comments (NFASIC)

I thought I'd best bring to your attention my recent spam clearing exploits here at the Illogiblog. You see, those spambots have been brutally ravaging our innocent posts on the quiet, no thanks to Blogger's recent insistence on manual comment moderation.

Well it isn't quite that bad but I was surprised at the amount of spam building up, like a layer of mould on that Scotch egg you shoved to the back of the fridge and forgot all about until the smell was so powerful it'd be fatal to a small child. (Please don't call Social Services. I'm a good man, I swear!)

Comments ranged from blatant adverts for what seem to be incontinence pants, some pink things in a box to, erm, special offers on mutilated sheep or something. Hmm, these spammers are becoming increasingly masochistic.

Here's a few more examples:

Thank you for give very good informations. Your web is so coolI am impressed by the information that you have on this blog. It shows how well you understand this subject. Bookmarked this page, will come back for more. You, my friend, ROCK!

Well, thank you very much! I presume this message was for Tim Berners-Lee because I didn't invent the web, but I ain't about to turn down compliments, however misdirected. Chyeah!

Since matching for some time for just a proper read in regards to this kinda ecological niche.

What's this, automatic sentence generation?! We expect this sort of language abuse at Illogicopedia, but not here at the Illogiblog! Begone, vile shade!

The pre-eminent rise quest of loyal and convenient trim and medical dope and knowledge

You know you've made it when you're compared to over-the-counter medication. Which reminds me, I wonder what happened to my brain medicine...

Well, I hope you enjoyed this session of headbanging against ?blog's ever-growing Wall of Spam. It hasn't quite achieved Berlin Wall status yet, but at this rate it won't be long. BEWARE.

BUY ANY CAR @ WEBUYANYCAR.COM!

WEBUYANYCAR.COM will buy any car. They will always give you the best deal possible and will give you anything from 50quid to A hundred graaaaaand! If your car is crap we will buy one without your consent and force you to buy it kindly. Our website has been professionally been approved by www.ebaumsworld.com! Sell your car before 1/12/09 and get 60 nectar points!*.


Why not try our sister site, we-buy-ur-gold-4-shits-'n-giggles.bt.notbt/arsedog.html!





*Nectar points offer may not be actual points. Terms and conditions apply. This fucks up your statutory rights.

Engaging with spambots

The ongoing discussion between man and machine over at the Illogicopedia forum is swelling to epic proportions. Before long, it shall surpass even Seppy's talkpage in terms of length and most likely go on to win the Booker Prize for its contribution to human civilisation.

Whilst it is enjoyable, spare a thought for the poor spambots being overworked by their lifeless programming masters to the point where their very screws fall out and rust becomes them.

Remember: these are not humans to which we are accustomed, rather semi-intelligent robotic forum whores the likes of which can usually be seen over at Wikipedia and Wikia. Seems the backdoor at Wikimedia was left open overnight.

Beware spambots/bitches, for they can be dangerous if not handled in the correct manner. I bid you good day Sir/Madam.