Portal:History

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The Hisory Portal

The authoritative guide to history... well, at least they used to be.

History is a form of propaganda dedicated to ensuring that people continue to hear the messages of two key groups: 1, the Nazis; and 2, the Confederacy.

Anything that does not pertain to the Nazis or the Confederacy is probably not history. The rest of the planet outside America and Nazi Germany considers this bloody annoying, except for France, who in Modern World History books, as a tribute to their pathetic military history, have been given countless sections. And we all know the only significant contribution of the French to modern civilisation is the Baguette.

This is shown by the fact that 88% of all history ever written has something to do with Adolf Hitler, German attempts to build an atomic bomb, the Battle of Gettysburg, Confederate efforts to build a useful submarine, and the fateful day that Rudolph Hess used the Fuhrer's time machine to go back and bring Stonewall Jackson to what was then the future to ensure a Nazi victory over the Empire of the Moon during World War II. (Full article...)

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Fought here in Korea and Manchuria.

The Russo-Japanese War, as its name implies, was a conflict fought between the Russian Empire and the Empire of Japan. As its name doesn’t imply, most of the fighting took place in Manchuria and on the Korean peninsula, much to the distaste of the people living there at the time. Hostilities began on February 10th 1904, and lasted until September of 1905, with the budding Japanese Empire emerging victorious. Indeed, Russia’s army of conscripted peasants armed with bolt-action rifles and empty vodka bottles proved wholly ineffective against Japan’s numerous cyborg ninjas and fleet of giant robots piloted by angsty fourteen-year-olds, resulting in the Russian forces being completely routed at every single major engagement of the war.

Though the Russo-Japanese War is largely forgotten today, its importance should not be overlooked. Japan’s resounding defeat of the Russian Empire led to a power shift in Eastern Asia, resulting in Japan’s ultimate recognition by the world community as an imperial power just as corrupt and oppressive as those of the West.

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Article credit: GRANDOVERLORDOFTHEHOMEPORT

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Just another day of philosophical debates between Jedi Socrates and Darth Plato.

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Image credit: Xiao Li

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Quote of the Day

“We have nothing to fear, but fear itself. And the Great Depression. And the Chupacabra.”
~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

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Highlighted Biography

Ivan was known for his over-the-top fashion sense...

This article is Terrible. It’s about Ivan. Ivan was born in 1530 into a Russian royal yet noble family, as the son of Basil III. Ivan is remembered for his Reign of Terrible.

Infant and Toddler

When Ivan was an infant, there was nothing for his parents to yet suspect anything Terrible about him, except that he was Terribly colicky at times. However, Ivan started becoming quite Terrible almost exactly two years afterward, during the Terrible Twos as European historians would later describe that period of history. He was often quite cranky … and not just when he was colicky and Terrible. Ivan's father mysteriously died when Ivan was only three years old. Alas, Dad was discovered dead with a baby bottle in his mouth, just Terrible. (He would later redeem the situation by switching All the Russias to sippy cups so that nobody else could die from baby bottle suffocation...)

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Article credit: Ogopogo

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Did You Know...

… the Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.

… in the 17th century, anvils were actually made of wood?

… there are 92 cases of a nuke being lost at sea.

… the Hershey bar was used in Europe as currency in WW2.

… the ancient egyptians bought jewerly for their pet crocodiles.

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This Day in History

May 26 1862: President Lincoln signs into law the Homeless Act. This allows middle class americans with no money to steal over 160 acres from the poor.

(other days in history...)

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