Humor from German speakers
[While driving,] Hank picks up a hitch-hiker. After a kilometer, [the hitch-hiker] asks him: This is really nice [of you], but it’s also dangerous. What if I were a murderer?” Hank turns slowly toward his new traveling companion [and says]: “Statistically speaking, it’s more than unlikely that two murderers would be sitting in the same […]
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An evangelical minister/ vicar complains to an older colleague about the bat infestation in his church. He has tried everything [in order] to drive them out; now [there] remains only exorcism. His colleague replies: “I baptized and confirmed mine – after that, none [of them have] ever come back again.” Ein evangelischer Pfarrer beklagt sich
A police officer stops a driver [and] asks: “You’re weaving as you drive. Would you agree [to take] an alcohol test?” The driver [replies]: “Bring it on – what have you got?” Polizist hält einen Autofahrer an. Er fragt: “ Sie sind Schlangenlinien gefahren. Wän Sie mit einem Alkhoholtest einverstanden?” Autofahrer: “Kommt drauf an. Was
[Officer] Edgar makes the [following] radio broadcast/ call: “Car 12 to Central: we have a murder on Kettiger Street – a woman shot her husband because he ran across a freshly-washed floor.” Central: “Have you arrested the suspect?” Edgar: “No. The floor isn’t dry yet.” [Polizist] Edgar gibt einen Funkspruch durch: “Wagen 12 an Zentrale.
Timo hears on his car radio: “Please use caution on the A1. Keep right here; a car [could] possibly come toward you.” Nonplussed/ Perplexed, Timo [says]: “What do they mean, ‘a car’? There’s a hundred of them!” Timo hört in seinem Autoradio: “Bitte Vorsicht auf der A1. Hier bitte rechts fahren, es kommt Ihnen eventuell
A Czech comes to Felix in his [optometry] office for an eye exam. Felix holds [a card containing] the sequence of letters “T Z C W O X E V I C” before/ in front of his face and asks, “Can you read this?” The Czech [replies]: “Not only can I read it, I understand
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If you want to ruin your day, just look in the mirror. Willst Du Dir den Tag versauen, musst Du in den Spiegel schauen. Lund, Erik. “10 German Jokes that are Actually Funny.” LifeHack, www.lifehack.org/350656/10-german-jokes-that-are-actually-funny. Accessed 27 Feb. 2024
A Manta driver had a parrot in the passenger’s seat and his window open. He idled near a Mercedes at a red light. The driver of the Mercedes lowered his window and asked, “Can it talk?” Responded the parrot: “I don’t know!” Ein Mantafahrer hat auf seinem Beifahrersitz einen Papagei sitzen und das Fenster offen.
An old woman drinks whisky for the first time. She thinks for a while, and then says: “Strange, the stuff tastes exactly like the medicine my late husband had to take for twenty years!” Eine alte Dame trinkt zum ersten Mal Whisky. Sie überlegt eine Weile und meint dann: “Merkwürdig, das Zeug schmeckt genau so
A Manta driver at a garage: “Could you repair my horn?” Mechanic: “Your brakes aren’t working, either.” Manta driver: “I know. That’s why I need to honk all the time.” Ein Manta-Fahrer in einer Werkstatt: „Könnten Sie meine Hupe reparieren?” Mechaniker: „Ihre Bremsen funktionieren auch nicht.” Manta-Fahrer: „Ich weiß. Deshalb muss ich ständig hupen.” Lund,
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